Is it? That the same day that the whole anonymous blog thang falls to sh!t is the same day I record the highest amount of hits to my site?
Who knows?
(besides EVERYONE else?)
Ooooh yeah - I've been drinking.
So why not ask me how my week's been?
What? You just did?
Well, lemme tell you.
I've been moody all week. I've been tired, cranky and potentially hormonal. I'm not losing weight - if anything I'm going up - and so I've been entertaining the thought that maybe I'm pregnant (v not likely) and then I feel guilty coz my 'occassional' cruiser with dinner has been happening more and more often so if I DID get accidentally pregnant then my baby would be brain damaged and I'd never drink again.
So besides stupid random thoughts as above, my boss has been on leave, so I've been busy.
{Deleted by the Author - sorry dudes!}
I've been moping around the house feeling sorry for myself -
The Hun has an icky chest cold, and is unhappy with his job (rightfully so) so the more upset he gets, the more upset I get. I seem to spend my time getting outta bed first, getting ready in the cold, making lunch, going to work, coming home, checking the net for 30 mints, going to martial arts, coming home, cooking dinner and then going to bed while
The Hun watches Le Tour and falls asleep on the couch. I spend my time ranting all my issues to everyone but him and then I go nuts at him that we don't talk about anything important anymore. 5 days a week. Then we do nothing all weekend. And I get told off for the house being messy and not doing anything. Wah wah wah etc - you get the picture.
And of couse it's all exagerated, coz that's what I like to do.
AND NOW, following up ramble styles from yesterdays post - I'm even more despondent.
So eldest bro's gf has read the blog occassionally.
Middle bro only reads it when he has nothing else to read and thinks it's a good opportunity to make me look like more of a prick than I already appear (RL and otherwise).
Youngest bro dun give a f()ck about it and is the only one I told.
And eldest bro gf told me eldest bro knows about it but dun read it, but then tells her that he only told me about the 'L word' thing because he read it here.
Yeah, see that? I'm not even colouring them orange I'm that frickin emotional about all this bullshit.
What I hate is the feeling that my space has been encroached.
And I don't care if that's not a word.
And I'm not THAT frickin thick - I KNOW it's on the internet so EVERY frickin man and his dog can read it, but that's not what it was about.
It wasn't intended for people I know. And it wasn't intended for people I know to tell other people I know. And it wasn't intended for the other people I know to then use what they know and tell others who don't know to make it look like I'm off blabbing every little snippet. And it wasn't intended for me to have to explain to others how someone found out something that I was sworn to secrecy about that they were sworn to secrecy about. And then to all sit back and have a frickin tea party discussion on how superior and super secret and cool I think I am in bloglife when I'm just a piece of sh!t in RL.
So now what? Do I have to be looking over my shoulder? Do I not
talk write about anything that actually happens? Do I not get the opportunity to say what I really think anymore? Do I instead write hypothetical essays that don't indicate who or what or where or when it may be related to RL (as suggested by
The Hun)? I'm not shooting down his idea, but the reason I started this whole shebang was because I thought I'd had plenty of interesting stories to tell, not because I'm an awesome writer who wants to be published and is blogging to keep up the practice. I'm not doing it for the love of the frickin written word. It's because I like the opportunity to express and share and meet new people, get new perspectives, read new things.
It makes me mad. There are so many issues in the issue that make me mad that I can't even talk about because f()ck knows who's reading this and is going tell whoever else f()cking knows.
If there are ppl I know reading, then that's fine. I'd rather I know and have some discussion on it so that I have the opportunity to say 'if you want to read, that's fine, but you'll know more about me then you want to and that's YOUR choice. '
F()CK you for every time you sat back and laughed at something I thought.
I don't want to hafta frickin censor myself.
And the thing I hate Hate HATE is knowing that people I see or speak to weekly, biweekly or more have known about this the whole time. And not said a fricking thing to my face.
The thing I HATE most in Rlife is looking the fool. Especially when it's to more than one person. Especially to people that I thought would tell me sooner and not betray my trust. Because if they really knew me like I thought they did, they would know it's the one thing that would upset me the most.
OBVIOUSLY.
