You know: one thing goes in, lotsa different things come out...?!Nayways, I was just wondering what people would have to say/think about this.
I have a "friend of a friend" (it's not me!) who has been in a relationship for about 18 months. I introduced them at a party (yes!! me!!!) and they hit it off pretty much straight away, although there was some intervention on mine and gf1's behalf to get them to 'work it out'.
{Deleted by the Author - sorry dudes!}
17 comments:
Ahem.
I know someone that doesn't believe in using the 'L' word. He thinks that his partner should just 'know' it. Apparently, perhaps, he might use it if he gets engaged, or similar.
However, it certainly seems like the boy in question is using the relationship as little more than a 'for now thing'. And I sympathise regarding the 'moving out just for convenience' comment. I really do.
It strikes me from what you have said that it sounds like an unbalanced relationship, she is giving more than he is willing to give. As for not saying the L word ... odd.
He sounds immature to me... And she seems to be trying to make the relationship something that it's not. I think you kind of know when you start up (say, within the first 3-4 months) a relationship if it's going to last. I knew with my last boyfriend that it wasn't going to be a 'forever' thing... we stayed together 18 months, the relationship ran its course and we moved on. Sounds like she wants more than he is prepared to offer.
As for the living together for convenience... i think this happens to a lot of couples when they first move in together and they end up pushed together, when they perhaps wouldn't have been if they weren't in a situation where they had to. Dunno 'bout that one really, never been there!
Truth be told - his 'GF' doesn't feel wanted. She also comes from the school where 'less is more' and doesn't like someone making with the L-word every ten seconds, but it would be nice to hear it, at least once or twice, even if it all it did was prove that he could be honest and open with her like he claims that he can be!
As for the moving out - depends on the type convenience that you're talking about it. If it's convenience in that you'll get to spend more time together, and the like, then it's no problem. However, if it's for the convenience of BEING ABLE TO WALK TO WORK, BUT KEEPING YOUR 'REAL' HOUSE TO GARAGE CAR, COMPUTER SHIT AND RETURN TO ON WEEKENDS, then no, it's shit.
Just a tad wrong sounding...
Unfortunately, all I can see is that either:
- She'll continue to be subsumed by him, while he will keep on keeping on; or,
- It will come together in a cataclysmic implosion.
Or, I could be wrong.
So she hasn't said 'I love you' to him either?
That's a long time I think, especially if they are 'serious'.
I suppose that 'different stroke for different strokes' thing applies.
It took me a few months before I said the words with my boy, but now we say it all the time to each other.
P.S. Definitely sounds like she is taking things more seriously than him.
I have been in a similar situation myself. The 'L' word was never verbalised, but alluded too.
In hindsight, I realise we both felt it, but just never said it, but I think it was very much a sign that the relationship wasn't perfect.
In our case, we were just looking for different things in the relationship, and that's what your friends sound like. I think you are very much correct when assuming he's in it as a 'just for now' thing.
Oh, I just wish that someone would say it to me.
I LOVE YOU MARTIE!!!
EP - Why can't we see these things when they are happening to us? Because we look at life through rose coloured glasses, joyfully aware that we aren't so silly as someone else. Then the shock happens - we're human after all.
BTW, I like the B'b'rry... makes me feel beery :)
Hmmm.
Update to previous previous comment.
Girl finally told Boy that she wasn't a mind reader and his non-emotive state and lack of forthcoming discussion of feelings were being taken as indifference.
Result: Boy accuses girl of thinking that he doesn't care because she's just meant to 'know' these things & is now not talking to her.
Fuck.
I love you too Enny.
Beery B'b'rry - it's true, we're all guilty of that. But she has enough awareness to realise that something's up in that she has only 'confessed' to one person...
Martie - ugh. Ugh. UGH. *Awww*
BTW - This has led to some discussion with the guy involved and i've got a bit more perspective on it... will proddly make a new post shortly...
*ANY VIEWS EXPRESSED HERE BY ANYONE OTHER THAN ENNY ARE NOT TO REFLECT ON ENNY*
martie - as a girl I can completely understand where she's coming from - if a guy says you're 'just supposed to know' then he's setting himself up for you to say that you can't (durr)
halliwell - i did! stay tuned
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