Thursday, July 20, 2006

It hurts...

... to see someone hurting...
...and being torn between wanting to say something ...
...and knowing that you said that you wouldn't...

***Extended Remix Version with Directors Commentary***

It may now be evident that the events of the last week have started to take their toll on the little 'community'.

What started as a whisper and built up to breeze, arrived as a tornado on Friday. I'm no meteorologist, but there were two or three aftershocks felt through the community, affecting different parties at different times.

And when it seemed that the dust had settled?

You. ain't. seen. nothin. like. it.

In some ways, it's good that it's not all about me. It's good that it's not about this.

But in other ways - it's very Very VERY bad.

I know I was naive to believe that when it all began that things would be fine - could carry on as normal - that it could even make things better!

But then, I am the worlds naivest, most gullible and mentally underprepared lil thang that e'er traipsed these lands.

The fallout has shaken everyone.

Four parties moving together - terrified and angry, hurt and excited, so so honest yet so so opaque.

And when they were about to meet in the middle?

I put up my hand and did the only thing that would surely put it all to an end. Not a happy ending, not the ending the naive me had hoped for, not rainbows and puppy dogs and sunshine.

It was either all in or all out.

And the four corners backed away - heads bowed, tear stained, exhausted and unsure. Two by two returning to how it was before, and none really the better for it.

And this is the new 'end'.

An end that is from the wrong book.

An end that is not an end, but no more a start or a middle.

An end that is not the end.

And still, there is a breeze. A breeze coming from a different direction.

What is? What caused it to stir up? Where is going? Is it strong enough that I should notice? Is it too strong that I should have noticed earlier? Strong enough that it catches my eye but is disregarded as just another breeze. or so strong that I should rush out to greet the storm.

It pains me that all are left so unsure - it pains me that it has gone this way - it pains me that this really is the most unsure, confused, concerned and helpless I have EVER felt in my life.

There are news walls in the community - it has been a week of frantic action - constructing, deconstructing, shifting and reinforcing.

So although there is a wall there - I'm unsure of how high and how strong it is.

If I attempt to climb over, is it going to be the final straw?
Can there be a final straw when it seems that it can't get any worse?

I know there are lines that I can never cross again - but in a world of darkness and shifting mists, how do you know if you're too close or too far?

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