Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I'm writing this because a dream told me I should. Seriously.

Open letter to a person from the past:

We were best friends in primary school - I can't even remember from when, or how or why we were friends. What I do remember is that day at the start of year six when I greeted you near the recycling bin and you told me 'My mum told me I should get more friends, for high school' and walked off.

I remember not understanding what you were talking about - why your mum would say that - why that meant that I couldn't be your friend any more. And I watched as you struggled to fight your way in - as you copied the other girls, tried too hard - they'd all laugh and imitate you. Like that time we had sports on the oval and you'd rolled your skirt at the top to make it short, but you'd rolled it so many times there was a big lump around your waist.

But then somehow you found 'success' and left me behind without a second glance.

The only time you spoke to me after that was to tell me not to wear my school socks over my stockings. Twice. Other than that, it was like we'd never met.

It was like you never stopped to think about what you were doing or what you had done.

How it would make me feel.

How I would lie on the floor of the loungeroom and cry - not understanding what I was feeling and what was going on. And in my teeny confused angst I'd sob along to Radioheads 'creep', thinking it was all my fault.

Do you realise now? Did you ever realise?

I often wonder how much of my behaviour has been dictated by what happened in 1993.

And in many ways I'm still waiting for an apology.

16 comments:

DelightfulJen said...

Oh, Enny.

Year Six and Seven are such nasty years for girls, it's so sad someone did this to you.

I think maybe it's some worldwide transition period where the future High School bitches make their first moves towards evil around that age.

P.S I used to wear socks over my stockings, so clearly, we are kindred spirits :)

cristy said...

11-13 year old girls can be so incredibly cruel. I remember how hurt I felt in year 8 when the core group of my friends informed the rest of us that they were 'forming a new group'. Of course, I was better off without people like them in my life, but that didn't stop me from feeling rejected at the time.

I was still wearing tracksuit pants in year seven, so the stockings put you ahead of me for style!

Matty said...

My friend has two daughters about 11-13, and they're going through this as well. The sheer amount of bitchiness that seems to go on boggles my mind! I guess I don't really understand it being a guy, less of that stuff seems to happen.

Heh, in '93 I was backpacking through Africa. Man I'm old !

Hooch said...

*shamefully reflects*

Hi Enny,
I don't know why I'm admitting this on here, it's probably 'blog suicide' or something. But this post made me remember that I am guilty of conspiring to (and committing the act of) 'run(ing) off on' some girls in yr8.

It made me feel terrible, but I found the girls we were 'running off on' annoying; I liked the 'runner offers' more, and didn't want to be despised by them. It's lame, I know. I felt weak and pathetic for doing it. But somehow, at the time, it seemed like 'the only option' of getting them out of the friendship group. 'friendship' group? ha! What a bitch I was.

I have since apologised, and we speak when we see each other, one of them I even consider my friend now (I hope she considers me hers), but the other I hardly ever see.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a mega bitch or anything (I had already used up my megabitch quota at around age 6, ordering my cousins around - like at my aunt's wedding to pick up all the confetti off the ground so we could reuse it). And I've been picked on in my time: paper thrown at me in class and whatknot, name calling, with my 'friends' sitting next to me, doing nothing to stop it. It didn't affect my morale, though. I'm not quite sure why, but I just thought the girls picking on me were idiots.

There's more, now that I'm recalling High School, and I'm tempted to go into my whole life story here, but I'll refrain.

I don't think your exbestfriend would have thought about what she was doing, beyond her own desire to climb the social ladder. I hope she's thought about it since, and regretted it, but I'm not sure if some people even register regret about their treatment of other people.

I hope the letter made you feel better.

M said...

oh my god, I had almost the exact same thing happen to me...except it was 1988!! :(

Martie said...

Ha ha ha. I remember the chicks that used to roll up their winter skirts to make them short - and they had that lump around their middle, and the hems were uneven, and well, as we used to say, they'd be the ones to go all the way with a Year 10 boy when they were drunk at a party.

But seriously - a nasty thing to do. I hope one day she might read this, and feel like an absolute shit.

xx

Enny said...

d'jen - i know! and i know! and i know! I did it because my feet were always cold AND smelly - two birds, one stone!

cristy - it's silly really - the fact that I can't remember how and why we were even friends in the first place kinda illustrates that i was better off without her anyway - it wasn't her that I missed, but just the treatement.

matty - beware! i'm sure they're nastier these days!!!

hooch - *MASSIVE INTAKE OF BREATH* YOOOOOOOOU!!! The thing is you apologised - in my situation there was NOTHING after that day (excluding sock comments) and school IS rough at that time. *forgives & absolves*

m - i'm getting the feeling it's like a rite of passage!

martie - YOU WERE GETTING DRUNK IN YEAR SIX?! *jokes* I hope so too... I was THIS close to putting her name in it. KATE!!!!

... now if only someone could absolve me!

Erica said...

I was always the one to be run off on too. I was just too uncool, and my equally uncool friends were obsessed with climbing the social ladder.

I always dreamed of a new best friend, and once I got to high school met several girls who I would have loved to be best friends with. Unfortunately they already had their own best friends, so I was stuck with my mean ones who used to tell my crushes embarassing secrets of mine because they had crushes too.

But as everyone has said, girls at that age can be so incredibly bitchy! I don't understand it. And the age of bitchiness seems to be getting younger too. At my dancing some of the 8 year old girls are like bitchy 13 year olds.

Enny said...

erica - *kindred* they are getting bitchier younger too... I remember in year six hearing stories that two ppl were banging - now to actually look at kids these age they're so YOUNG! and so NASTY!!!

Halliwell said...

KARMA-BABY
As I am not Guilty of 'these' crimes I shale freely speak about how much better I am and being a male is.. ;P
Umm does your post count as a bitchy act??
You girls are way too BITCHY, Just do what guys do and FIGHT(jelly and bikini's optional).
It's just horrible what ppl can do to other people when they are being selfish.
It brings apon a high level of self doubt and makes you wonder who you are..
In the end, You don't want a person who is like that in your life so your better off with out them.
Treat people with the same respect as you would like to recieve..

Rom said...

Wow, you were one of those girls who got left behind too? Crikey.
Grade 3 my best friend told me that she couldn't hang out with me anymore since the 'coolest' girl in our grade didn't like me. She liked me enough to it beside me in class and cheat off me mind you. Cow. And highschool it was the same.
But the library, it never left me behind, it was always there for me...

Enny said...

halliwell - while you may not have run off on anyone, I'm sure there was some form of bullying - there almost always is with boys! And does it sound bitchy to you? I only ever treated her how I wanted to be treated...

rom - do you think it's ALL girls? or jus a freaky sign that you're destined for blogdom ;o) Grade 3 is pretty rough tho - I thought that kinda stuff wasn't really noticeable till later (but I could well be wrong!) and it'd suck for it to keep happening. KIDS SUCK!

Halliwell said...

All my aggressive Bullying to chicks was the first sign of affection.
Punch in the arm evloved into Bra strap SNAPing then on to elbows to the face.
It's all relative, If they didn't like it they could have walked away at 'enny' time.

Enny said...

halliwell - all class!

Melly` said...

Urghhh - not only was I a teenager once but now I have THREE teenage daughters to watch their pains and .. drama's and it all matters so much to them! I remember my Dad telling me... in twenty years if one or two of that entire school mean anything to you it will be amazing. (Teenagers seem to think that is life - absolute and ALL IMPORTANT)

My Dad was completely right. And my girls don't/didn't listen to me either. I take my girls to feed the ducks or we eat something really bad for us and have our own bitches.

Buggar nasty people. Always ducks to feed, dogs to pat, cats sometimes allow cuddles, flowers to smell and always always beauty to be found close by. Your cruel little "friend" missed something beautiful by being a fart - her loss.

Enny said...

melly - At the time school was happening, EVERYTHING seemed like the end of the world, so exhausting and draining - i hope to only have one daughter at the most!!