If you haven't got the hint from the title, I went and saw King Kong and didn't think it was all that (much to my dismay after TJ's rave review). You may wish to come back in a few days until this is pushed down on the page a little bit if you haven't seen it/you're a bit sensitive coz it's 'that time of the month'/really enjoyed it and don't want to hear any thing that's not super-positive and encouraging about it.
EnnyPen's 15 things I learnt in King Kong.
1) Peter Jackson is a greedy, greedy man. I mean, good on him for getting the rights to make a fil-uhm about the big ape, but the point of making a film is to stick to the film. The point is NOT to give credence to your fav films by adding them into yours (see Titanic, Jurassic Park, Arachnaphobia etc etc).
2) Heath Ledger should sent Naomi Watts a needle and thread so she can sew her lips together to avoid her gonky teeth sticking out at me for 3 frickin hours. And a picture of his baby coz she wanted one with him but he scored with the girl from the other side of the tracks in Dawsons Creek, jus because she now SHITS ME.
3) As much as Jack Black may want to be taken seriously as an 'artist' he will always be the dumpy guy in the 'tribute' film clip whom you can't take seriously by default. This may also be due to his poor acting skills which always seem like a mockery of what he wants to do.
4) 'I will now touch the great beast' is set to become pickup line of the year. Followed in a close second by 'I now have my hand on the 25 foot beast'.
5) Although herbivores, big monkeys have a liking for skinny blondes with short curly hair only. Their hobbies include chestbeating, sliding on the ice on their ass and random destruction.
6) Three T-rex v a monkey holding a bimbo = victory for the apes.
7) The best way to kill said T-rex is to bite it's tongue out then snap it's jaw off and use it to crush it back into it's (pea sized) brain.
8) Writhing long necked dinosaurs rolling around on top of each other will not make you horny in the theatre. Neither will penis-in-penis swamp monsters.
9) Gargoyle monster bats will hang around peacefully until the monkey is awake and able to defend himself before they try to eat his flesh.
10) Adrian Brody would be triple-t Hottt if he kept a bag on his head whilst walkin round topless.
11) The best thing to do when captured by an ape is to perform a vaudeville routine to make him laugh and instantly get some crazy obsession for you.
12) You can teach an ape to recognise something 'beautiful' by repeating it slowly three times while pointing to your boob. He will then communicate this to you on top of the Empire State Building (conveniently designed with ridges exactly apes-arm lenth apart for easy climbing).
13) You also don't really require any safety equipment to climb the Empire State Building - any bimbo in heels can climp up to the very tip-top and only encounter enough breeze to slightly ruffle her fluffy gown and perm whilst she shows you her teeth AGAIN.
14) In this day and age of acceptance of race and slant against generalising nationalities, the singular token black mine will die trying to help someone else, and the single token asian will die clumsily.
15) Monkeys pout and sulk jus like men, but will come around if you juggle for them. Keep this in mind next time you make ur man cranky.
I came away with a lot of unanswered questions...How did he get so big anyway? What did she eat? How did they get him back to the city? Wouldn't all that monkey hair reek when it's wet? Why didn't he give it a happy ending? Why did he like her anyway? Why didn't we skip out on trying to find something in Sanity so we could make the Narnia session at 3:30?
Overall, I give him 1.5 from 5 (that's 1 to the amazing tech guys who managed to make such a realistic ape, and .5 to stupid Peter Jackson who gave me 'the lump in the throat' even tho I spent the whole time baggin it out.
Due to the large amount of nieces/nephews/grandkids on my mums side (18 and counting, I think) my cuz (13 months younger than myeslf) and I would always get variations onatheme - the exact same thing but in a different colour.
The year I got given the purple to match her flowery, pinky, purpley, hearty, lovely pink stationary set, a frenzied letter writing exchange ensued - back and forth, back and forth - mostly containing 'You stink more' and a fuckload of the talcum powder that came with the kits.
After witnessing a (painful Painful PAINFUL) bunch of year sixers on the oval outside martial arts last night ("Just because YOU'VE got curly hair" "If you're going to be so MEAN then you can just GET LOST" "Mum was so proud to see me doing my makeup" "Yeah, I shave" "Are THOSE your SCHOOL shoes?!" SlashKillMaim), I thought I'd regress to my childhood and finish off my writing paper packet.
Dear Bike Company,
Are the holes in ladies bikeseats for vaginas?
I only noticed it today, so I have included a pic for your refernece:
Yours Quizzingly, Enny
Dear QLD company that mails us expensive stuff twice a month,
I know that you get happy to come down and visit every so often, but I would think that my continued emphasis on meeting deadlines (or your lack thereof) means that you SHOULD express post the data to me on Monday, rather than waiting until Thursday to personally hand it to me. Especially when it is wrong. Again.
Yours Scowlingly, Enny
Dear The Hun,
Please buy me a PSP for Christmas. I've been very nice.
PS - don't try that shit again about sleeping on the couch - it didn't smell THAT bad.
Dear Bold and The Beautiful,
Why have you introduced that terrible 'swoosh-quick slide' effect between scenes? It is very bad.
Also, please have Bridget chase Brookes skanky ass out of town - girlfriend has boofed pretty much everyone in town, including all of her exes.
Keep up the good work! I'm obsessively checking you twice a day - as well as your progress at the Blog Awards. You're the garlic to my bread, the pikachu to my Ash, the mould to my cheese.
That's right - there's like 15 days till Christmas according to my Freddo Advent Calendar!!! Things are starting to warm up, what with the celebratory work lunches, work drinks and work deco's; with martial arts 'bashes' and sunburn and with the arguments with The Hun...
See, I like to think of myself as the ho-ho-ho tinsel come time for the old mas of Christ - the heart and spirit, the fun and festivity, the stuff that there's no such thing as too much... yet as much as I poke fun at everyone else for being 'Grinchy', I'm a biatch this time of year.
I have immense difficulty choosing presents - always seemingly leaning for towards buying people things that I likerather than what they want... reflecting on this I can already see I've done it again this year - I think I'm missing that 'pick the stuff for the other people' gene that must exist out there - like the time I bought a thumb ring shaped like a dragon for a conservative friend in high school (selfishness overcame me and I kept it and bought her something else the morning of her birthday, rather than having the sense to just buy it for me and buy her something else earlier than that....)
So with a stack of wrapped presents buring a hole in my wardrobe, I'm getting narky... add my inability to keep a secret (dun stop me from wanting to know them tho'!), my propensity for not always coping with stupid stuff like this and The Huns evil joy in spoiling Christmas I'm totally revelling in my
(OMG - SBS WAS JUST SHOWING A CARTOON OF THE INSIDE VIEW OF A LADIES MOUTH WHILE SHE WAS WANGING IT UP!!!)
... in my pouty Christmasness. This is the time of year that leaves me bawling in the bathrooms of DJ's in Woden (half a decade ago), storming out of bed (this morning) and badmouthing the Hun's Christmas spirit to all and nary (this morning, this afternoon, earlier this evening and... well, now).
Things are bound to get worse and worse as we get closer and he guesses more and more of his gifts and as the realisation sets in that he really isn't going to buy me a PSP.
A note for ladies (and SNAG's) - get off ur ass and go see Shopgirl. I wanna add it to my top ten now - I laughed, I cried and I smacked The Hun for snickering at me during said tears.
I liked Claire Danes from Romeo & Juliet (the defining movie of my teens as it was with all schoolgirls at the time) but I haven't seen much of her since then (other than reading that she ditched Ben Lee who, if he is reading this should listen up - Ben! Don't do it!! Don't go see it!! Seriosuly now, I totally feel your "Gamble Everything for Love" and I know you've done lots of thinking, refletcting, maturing and coming to terms with it all but this shit will tear you up. Call me instead - I've got daiquiri in a bucket!!! kisses!...) but she did really well with this and is now on my hero list - she's in good shape in the nud (I warned you Ben - call me!) and acted it all really well. And while normally I'm not a fan of Steve Martins (nor his character in this) I take my hat off to him for the novella, particularly the last bit he narrates at the end. It was beautiful, touching, heartfelt and feel good.
1. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy - 8/10 2. Amelie - 10/10 3. Blade Runner - o_O?! 4. The Shawshank Redemption - I think I saw this one - 6/10? 5. Donnie Darko - The further away from it I am, the more I like it. That rabbit totally freaked me out... 8/10?! 6. Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope - 6.5/10 7. Pulp Fiction - 6/10 8. The Princess Bride - 6/10 9. Gone With The Wind - o_O?! 10. Fight Club - 9/10 11. The Sound of Music - 10/10 12. To Kill A Mockingbird - 6/10 13. 2001: A Space Odyssey - o_O?! 14. Casablanca - o_O?! 15. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - 10/10. 16. American Beauty - 8/10 17. Doctor Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb - o_O?! 18. Monty Python's Life of Brian - 10/10 19. Lawrence Of Arabia - o_O?! 20. Apocalypse Now - o_O?! 21. Cinema Paradiso - o_O?! 22. Doctor Zhivago - o_O?! 23. The Matrix - 8/10 24. The Castle - o_O?! 25. Singin' in the Rain - 9/10 26. A Clockwork Orange - 7/10 - lil too much ultravoilence for my liking but I can appreciate it, I spose.... 27. The Blues Brothers - 7/10 28. Withnail and In - o_O?! 29. Life is Beautiful - o_O?! 30. The Godfather - o_O?! 31. Moulin Rouge - hated it the first time, didn't mind it so much the second 7.5/10 32. Some Like it Hot - 8/10 33. Lost in Translation - 9.5/10 34. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - 6.5/10 35. Local Hero - o_O?! 36. The Third Man - o_O?! 37. Brazil - o_O?! 38. Serenity - o_O?! 39. Breakfast at Tiffany's - o_O?! 40. A Room with a View - 7.5/10 41. The Rocky Horror Picture Show - 8.5/10 Tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-toooooch me!! 42. Dead Poets Society - 8.5/10 43. Harold and Maude - o_O?! 44. The Big Lebowski - o_O?! 45. The Wizard of Oz - 7.5/10 Haven't seen it for years!!! 46. Out Of Africa - o_O?! 47. Picnic at Hanging Rock - o_O?! We drove past it on the weekend too! 48. The Usual Suspects - o_O?! 49. Cabaret - o_O?! 50. Forrest Gump - 9/10 51. Monty Python and the Holy Grail - 10/10 52. The Piano - o_O?! 53. Pirates of the Carribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl - 10/10 mmmMMMmmMatey! 54. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back 6.5/10 55. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - 8.5/10 56. The City of Lost Children - o_O?! 57. The African Queen - o_O?! 58. Love Actually - 10/10 59. Strictly Ballroom - 9/10 60. Wings of Desire - o_O?! 61. Raiders of the Lost Ark - o_O?! 62. Babette's Feast - o_O?! 63. The Fifth Element - 9.5/10 64. Spirited Away - o_O?! I've been meaning to see this one!! 65. Aliens - o_O?! 66. It's a Wonderful Life - o_O?! 67. Napoleon Dynamite -10/10 Tiiiiina!! 68. Rear Window - o_O?! 69. Romeo And Juliet - 9/10 70. Dirty Dancing - o_O?! 71. Kill Bill: Vol. 1 - 9/10 72. The Good, The Bad and the Ugly - o_O?! My brother got sprung trying to sneak underage to this one! 73. Trainspotting - 8/10 I didn't like the baby on the roof... 74. Muriel's Wedding - 8/10 75. When Harry Met Sally - o_O?! 76. The Great Escape - o_O?! 77. Ferris Bueller's Day Off - o_O?! 78. Gallipoli - 6/10 this was a school one... 79. Lantana - 7/10 I didn't think it was all that, but I cried when that running guy starting crying 80. Garden State - 10/10 81. Sin City - 1/10 N.O. 82. Chariots of Fire - o_O?! 83. The English Patient - o_O?! 84. This is Spinal Tap - 8/10 85. Chocolat - 9/10 86. Fargo - o_O?! 87. Look Both Ways - o_O?! 88. Goodfellas - o_O?! 89. Aliens - o_O?! 90. Grease - 10/10 91. All About Eve - o_O?! 92. Citizen Kane - o_O?! I head a lot of ppl say this was their favourite... 93. Stand By Me - o_O?! 94. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels - o_O?! I saw 10 minutes but couldn't understand it... 95. Mulholland Drive - o_O?! 96. Back to the Future - o_O?! 97. High Fidelity - 10/10 98. The Thin Red Line - 6/10 I think I saw this on September 11.... 99. Being John Malkovich- o_O?! 100. Dead Man - o_O?!
It would appear I haven't seen a large number of them, but I'm glad I've got enough to be able to make my own top ten!
10. Lost in Translation - We stayed in to watch it last New Years 9. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - I was a little befuddled but really enjoyed it, as much as I used to despise Ms Winslet 8. The Sound of Music - An oldie but a goodie and amazingly I don't tire of it!! 7. Love Actually - *sighs* *swoons* *sways* 6. Napolean Dynamite - Nuff said 5. Life of Brian - First Monty Python I ever saw, and it integrated the 'rafia-work base' into my families vocab 4 Grease - I knew all the words off by heart when I was younger, with the exception of the carpark scene that was always fast forwarded 3. Garden State - I nearly wet myself in the arrow scene 2. High Fidelity - I heart John Cusack in this 1. Amelie - I'd still consider getting the blunt-bob-chop cut
There must be something in the air, coz I bought a new phone on Tuesday!
Actually, there must be lots of little things in the air, becuase in the last week, I have purchased:
- All of The Huns Chrissy Present (*no hints!*) - 6 buddhas (safety in numbers!) - A pair of oh-so-cute purple and lime button over flower shoes from Redpath (they DO come in big girls sizes!!) - A singlet and cardi set (for that crappy Canberra weather) - Two skirts (Marry me DFO Table Eight!) - Two kinda dressysinglets (see above) - Two more sportysinglets (see above the above) - A pair of three quaters khaki shirts (above the above the above) - Sunglasses (Exactly the same as the pair I broke at the start of the year) - New thongs (These ones are brown and yes I do need 4 pairs of different colours) - A new bag (Yes, I also need about 9 of these even though I'm not a girly girl) - A Parka (Dang that cold weather) - Another singlet (I like singlets!)
.... and I think that't it.
The Hun's Chrissy party was in Sydney this year, meaning I got to hoon up to Sunny'o'Sydney and hit the markets. I then got to lie in bed eating Schnitzel, chips, wedges, Krispy Kremes and Raspberry Cruisers whilst watching the Biggest Loser final (I only cried a little). And then got to fall asleep with the telly on from pure 'OMG I NEVAH THOUGHT I'D EAT THAT MUCH 'TATER AGAIN IN MY LIFE' bliss guilt.
I also got to see Harry Potter this weekend... seriously now? That's some scary shit! I guess my tolerance for melting flesh, tortured animals and floating corpses is a little less than the avarage four year old as I didn't hear any of them gasping or jumping or cowering...
Lastly - I have a public service announcement - For anyone unfortunate enough to see the 20-something girly flail like a spazz on her slippy heels with the 2cm 'faux stilletto' heel and then land on all fours outside of Foot Locker in the Hyper D - please don't tell anyone if you saw my undies.
(P.S - Teej - I think one of my bros is one of ur lurkers but don't know if he knows about my 'House of Net'. Small frickin world!!!)