If you haven't got the hint from the title, I went and saw King Kong and didn't think it was all that (much to my dismay after TJ's rave review). You may wish to come back in a few days until this is pushed down on the page a little bit if you haven't seen it/you're a bit sensitive coz it's 'that time of the month'/really enjoyed it and don't want to hear any thing that's not super-positive and encouraging about it.
EnnyPen's 15 things I learnt in King Kong.
1) Peter Jackson is a greedy, greedy man. I mean, good on him for getting the rights to make a fil-uhm about the big ape, but the point of making a film is to stick to the film. The point is NOT to give credence to your fav films by adding them into yours (see Titanic, Jurassic Park, Arachnaphobia etc etc).
2) Heath Ledger should sent Naomi Watts a needle and thread so she can sew her lips together to avoid her gonky teeth sticking out at me for 3 frickin hours. And a picture of his baby coz she wanted one with him but he scored with the girl from the other side of the tracks in Dawsons Creek, jus because she now SHITS ME.
3) As much as Jack Black may want to be taken seriously as an 'artist' he will always be the dumpy guy in the 'tribute' film clip whom you can't take seriously by default. This may also be due to his poor acting skills which always seem like a mockery of what he wants to do.
4) 'I will now touch the great beast' is set to become pickup line of the year. Followed in a close second by 'I now have my hand on the 25 foot beast'.
5) Although herbivores, big monkeys have a liking for skinny blondes with short curly hair only. Their hobbies include chestbeating, sliding on the ice on their ass and random destruction.
6) Three T-rex v a monkey holding a bimbo = victory for the apes.
7) The best way to kill said T-rex is to bite it's tongue out then snap it's jaw off and use it to crush it back into it's (pea sized) brain.
8) Writhing long necked dinosaurs rolling around on top of each other will not make you horny in the theatre. Neither will penis-in-penis swamp monsters.
9) Gargoyle monster bats will hang around peacefully until the monkey is awake and able to defend himself before they try to eat his flesh.
10) Adrian Brody would be triple-t Hottt if he kept a bag on his head whilst walkin round topless.
11) The best thing to do when captured by an ape is to perform a vaudeville routine to make him laugh and instantly get some crazy obsession for you.
12) You can teach an ape to recognise something 'beautiful' by repeating it slowly three times while pointing to your boob. He will then communicate this to you on top of the Empire State Building (conveniently designed with ridges exactly apes-arm lenth apart for easy climbing).
13) You also don't really require any safety equipment to climb the Empire State Building - any bimbo in heels can climp up to the very tip-top and only encounter enough breeze to slightly ruffle her fluffy gown and perm whilst she shows you her teeth AGAIN.
14) In this day and age of acceptance of race and slant against generalising nationalities, the singular token black mine will die trying to help someone else, and the single token asian will die clumsily.
15) Monkeys pout and sulk jus like men, but will come around if you juggle for them. Keep this in mind next time you make ur man cranky.
I came away with a lot of unanswered questions...How did he get so big anyway? What did she eat? How did they get him back to the city? Wouldn't all that monkey hair reek when it's wet? Why didn't he give it a happy ending? Why did he like her anyway? Why didn't we skip out on trying to find something in Sanity so we could make the Narnia session at 3:30?
Overall, I give him 1.5 from 5 (that's 1 to the amazing tech guys who managed to make such a realistic ape, and .5 to stupid Peter Jackson who gave me 'the lump in the throat' even tho I spent the whole time baggin it out.
Due to the large amount of nieces/nephews/grandkids on my mums side (18 and counting, I think) my cuz (13 months younger than myeslf) and I would always get variations onatheme - the exact same thing but in a different colour.
The year I got given the purple to match her flowery, pinky, purpley, hearty, lovely pink stationary set, a frenzied letter writing exchange ensued - back and forth, back and forth - mostly containing 'You stink more' and a fuckload of the talcum powder that came with the kits.
After witnessing a (painful Painful PAINFUL) bunch of year sixers on the oval outside martial arts last night ("Just because YOU'VE got curly hair" "If you're going to be so MEAN then you can just GET LOST" "Mum was so proud to see me doing my makeup" "Yeah, I shave" "Are THOSE your SCHOOL shoes?!" SlashKillMaim), I thought I'd regress to my childhood and finish off my writing paper packet.
Dear Bike Company,
Are the holes in ladies bikeseats for vaginas?
I only noticed it today, so I have included a pic for your refernece:
Yours Quizzingly, Enny
Dear QLD company that mails us expensive stuff twice a month,
I know that you get happy to come down and visit every so often, but I would think that my continued emphasis on meeting deadlines (or your lack thereof) means that you SHOULD express post the data to me on Monday, rather than waiting until Thursday to personally hand it to me. Especially when it is wrong. Again.
Yours Scowlingly, Enny
Dear The Hun,
Please buy me a PSP for Christmas. I've been very nice.
PS - don't try that shit again about sleeping on the couch - it didn't smell THAT bad.
Dear Bold and The Beautiful,
Why have you introduced that terrible 'swoosh-quick slide' effect between scenes? It is very bad.
Also, please have Bridget chase Brookes skanky ass out of town - girlfriend has boofed pretty much everyone in town, including all of her exes.
Keep up the good work! I'm obsessively checking you twice a day - as well as your progress at the Blog Awards. You're the garlic to my bread, the pikachu to my Ash, the mould to my cheese.
That's right - there's like 15 days till Christmas according to my Freddo Advent Calendar!!! Things are starting to warm up, what with the celebratory work lunches, work drinks and work deco's; with martial arts 'bashes' and sunburn and with the arguments with The Hun...
See, I like to think of myself as the ho-ho-ho tinsel come time for the old mas of Christ - the heart and spirit, the fun and festivity, the stuff that there's no such thing as too much... yet as much as I poke fun at everyone else for being 'Grinchy', I'm a biatch this time of year.
I have immense difficulty choosing presents - always seemingly leaning for towards buying people things that I likerather than what they want... reflecting on this I can already see I've done it again this year - I think I'm missing that 'pick the stuff for the other people' gene that must exist out there - like the time I bought a thumb ring shaped like a dragon for a conservative friend in high school (selfishness overcame me and I kept it and bought her something else the morning of her birthday, rather than having the sense to just buy it for me and buy her something else earlier than that....)
So with a stack of wrapped presents buring a hole in my wardrobe, I'm getting narky... add my inability to keep a secret (dun stop me from wanting to know them tho'!), my propensity for not always coping with stupid stuff like this and The Huns evil joy in spoiling Christmas I'm totally revelling in my
(OMG - SBS WAS JUST SHOWING A CARTOON OF THE INSIDE VIEW OF A LADIES MOUTH WHILE SHE WAS WANGING IT UP!!!)
... in my pouty Christmasness. This is the time of year that leaves me bawling in the bathrooms of DJ's in Woden (half a decade ago), storming out of bed (this morning) and badmouthing the Hun's Christmas spirit to all and nary (this morning, this afternoon, earlier this evening and... well, now).
Things are bound to get worse and worse as we get closer and he guesses more and more of his gifts and as the realisation sets in that he really isn't going to buy me a PSP.
A note for ladies (and SNAG's) - get off ur ass and go see Shopgirl. I wanna add it to my top ten now - I laughed, I cried and I smacked The Hun for snickering at me during said tears.
I liked Claire Danes from Romeo & Juliet (the defining movie of my teens as it was with all schoolgirls at the time) but I haven't seen much of her since then (other than reading that she ditched Ben Lee who, if he is reading this should listen up - Ben! Don't do it!! Don't go see it!! Seriosuly now, I totally feel your "Gamble Everything for Love" and I know you've done lots of thinking, refletcting, maturing and coming to terms with it all but this shit will tear you up. Call me instead - I've got daiquiri in a bucket!!! kisses!...) but she did really well with this and is now on my hero list - she's in good shape in the nud (I warned you Ben - call me!) and acted it all really well. And while normally I'm not a fan of Steve Martins (nor his character in this) I take my hat off to him for the novella, particularly the last bit he narrates at the end. It was beautiful, touching, heartfelt and feel good.
1. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy - 8/10 2. Amelie - 10/10 3. Blade Runner - o_O?! 4. The Shawshank Redemption - I think I saw this one - 6/10? 5. Donnie Darko - The further away from it I am, the more I like it. That rabbit totally freaked me out... 8/10?! 6. Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope - 6.5/10 7. Pulp Fiction - 6/10 8. The Princess Bride - 6/10 9. Gone With The Wind - o_O?! 10. Fight Club - 9/10 11. The Sound of Music - 10/10 12. To Kill A Mockingbird - 6/10 13. 2001: A Space Odyssey - o_O?! 14. Casablanca - o_O?! 15. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - 10/10. 16. American Beauty - 8/10 17. Doctor Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb - o_O?! 18. Monty Python's Life of Brian - 10/10 19. Lawrence Of Arabia - o_O?! 20. Apocalypse Now - o_O?! 21. Cinema Paradiso - o_O?! 22. Doctor Zhivago - o_O?! 23. The Matrix - 8/10 24. The Castle - o_O?! 25. Singin' in the Rain - 9/10 26. A Clockwork Orange - 7/10 - lil too much ultravoilence for my liking but I can appreciate it, I spose.... 27. The Blues Brothers - 7/10 28. Withnail and In - o_O?! 29. Life is Beautiful - o_O?! 30. The Godfather - o_O?! 31. Moulin Rouge - hated it the first time, didn't mind it so much the second 7.5/10 32. Some Like it Hot - 8/10 33. Lost in Translation - 9.5/10 34. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - 6.5/10 35. Local Hero - o_O?! 36. The Third Man - o_O?! 37. Brazil - o_O?! 38. Serenity - o_O?! 39. Breakfast at Tiffany's - o_O?! 40. A Room with a View - 7.5/10 41. The Rocky Horror Picture Show - 8.5/10 Tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-toooooch me!! 42. Dead Poets Society - 8.5/10 43. Harold and Maude - o_O?! 44. The Big Lebowski - o_O?! 45. The Wizard of Oz - 7.5/10 Haven't seen it for years!!! 46. Out Of Africa - o_O?! 47. Picnic at Hanging Rock - o_O?! We drove past it on the weekend too! 48. The Usual Suspects - o_O?! 49. Cabaret - o_O?! 50. Forrest Gump - 9/10 51. Monty Python and the Holy Grail - 10/10 52. The Piano - o_O?! 53. Pirates of the Carribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl - 10/10 mmmMMMmmMatey! 54. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back 6.5/10 55. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - 8.5/10 56. The City of Lost Children - o_O?! 57. The African Queen - o_O?! 58. Love Actually - 10/10 59. Strictly Ballroom - 9/10 60. Wings of Desire - o_O?! 61. Raiders of the Lost Ark - o_O?! 62. Babette's Feast - o_O?! 63. The Fifth Element - 9.5/10 64. Spirited Away - o_O?! I've been meaning to see this one!! 65. Aliens - o_O?! 66. It's a Wonderful Life - o_O?! 67. Napoleon Dynamite -10/10 Tiiiiina!! 68. Rear Window - o_O?! 69. Romeo And Juliet - 9/10 70. Dirty Dancing - o_O?! 71. Kill Bill: Vol. 1 - 9/10 72. The Good, The Bad and the Ugly - o_O?! My brother got sprung trying to sneak underage to this one! 73. Trainspotting - 8/10 I didn't like the baby on the roof... 74. Muriel's Wedding - 8/10 75. When Harry Met Sally - o_O?! 76. The Great Escape - o_O?! 77. Ferris Bueller's Day Off - o_O?! 78. Gallipoli - 6/10 this was a school one... 79. Lantana - 7/10 I didn't think it was all that, but I cried when that running guy starting crying 80. Garden State - 10/10 81. Sin City - 1/10 N.O. 82. Chariots of Fire - o_O?! 83. The English Patient - o_O?! 84. This is Spinal Tap - 8/10 85. Chocolat - 9/10 86. Fargo - o_O?! 87. Look Both Ways - o_O?! 88. Goodfellas - o_O?! 89. Aliens - o_O?! 90. Grease - 10/10 91. All About Eve - o_O?! 92. Citizen Kane - o_O?! I head a lot of ppl say this was their favourite... 93. Stand By Me - o_O?! 94. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels - o_O?! I saw 10 minutes but couldn't understand it... 95. Mulholland Drive - o_O?! 96. Back to the Future - o_O?! 97. High Fidelity - 10/10 98. The Thin Red Line - 6/10 I think I saw this on September 11.... 99. Being John Malkovich- o_O?! 100. Dead Man - o_O?!
It would appear I haven't seen a large number of them, but I'm glad I've got enough to be able to make my own top ten!
10. Lost in Translation - We stayed in to watch it last New Years 9. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - I was a little befuddled but really enjoyed it, as much as I used to despise Ms Winslet 8. The Sound of Music - An oldie but a goodie and amazingly I don't tire of it!! 7. Love Actually - *sighs* *swoons* *sways* 6. Napolean Dynamite - Nuff said 5. Life of Brian - First Monty Python I ever saw, and it integrated the 'rafia-work base' into my families vocab 4 Grease - I knew all the words off by heart when I was younger, with the exception of the carpark scene that was always fast forwarded 3. Garden State - I nearly wet myself in the arrow scene 2. High Fidelity - I heart John Cusack in this 1. Amelie - I'd still consider getting the blunt-bob-chop cut
There must be something in the air, coz I bought a new phone on Tuesday!
Actually, there must be lots of little things in the air, becuase in the last week, I have purchased:
- All of The Huns Chrissy Present (*no hints!*) - 6 buddhas (safety in numbers!) - A pair of oh-so-cute purple and lime button over flower shoes from Redpath (they DO come in big girls sizes!!) - A singlet and cardi set (for that crappy Canberra weather) - Two skirts (Marry me DFO Table Eight!) - Two kinda dressysinglets (see above) - Two more sportysinglets (see above the above) - A pair of three quaters khaki shirts (above the above the above) - Sunglasses (Exactly the same as the pair I broke at the start of the year) - New thongs (These ones are brown and yes I do need 4 pairs of different colours) - A new bag (Yes, I also need about 9 of these even though I'm not a girly girl) - A Parka (Dang that cold weather) - Another singlet (I like singlets!)
.... and I think that't it.
The Hun's Chrissy party was in Sydney this year, meaning I got to hoon up to Sunny'o'Sydney and hit the markets. I then got to lie in bed eating Schnitzel, chips, wedges, Krispy Kremes and Raspberry Cruisers whilst watching the Biggest Loser final (I only cried a little). And then got to fall asleep with the telly on from pure 'OMG I NEVAH THOUGHT I'D EAT THAT MUCH 'TATER AGAIN IN MY LIFE' bliss guilt.
I also got to see Harry Potter this weekend... seriously now? That's some scary shit! I guess my tolerance for melting flesh, tortured animals and floating corpses is a little less than the avarage four year old as I didn't hear any of them gasping or jumping or cowering...
Lastly - I have a public service announcement - For anyone unfortunate enough to see the 20-something girly flail like a spazz on her slippy heels with the 2cm 'faux stilletto' heel and then land on all fours outside of Foot Locker in the Hyper D - please don't tell anyone if you saw my undies.
(P.S - Teej - I think one of my bros is one of ur lurkers but don't know if he knows about my 'House of Net'. Small frickin world!!!)
I started "boot camp" on Monday. The notice came around at work - 2 mornings a week from 6:45 till 7:45 for four weeks. $99. Finishing the Wed before Christmas.
Four of us signed up - Mumsy, the most senior of the HR ladies, a girl who also plays soccer with me and myself - imagining mud crawling, tyre hopping, cammies and shoe polish; Buff shirtless men with dog tags, square jaws and tight shorts; and us finishing on Dec 21 gleaming and glinting with beads of sparkly sweat (as apposed to my drippy ugly sweat), toight and fit.
The other one of the HR ladies told us about one running down at Gordon, where for every minute you're late, you get ten pushups. They ran 15k on their first day holding weights up over their head. And whilst this was intimidating, it was also exciting - this would be just what we need to shift those kilos (that I seem to be negating by permissing emotional eating!).
We had an initial test on Friday - height, weight, BMI, blood pressure. This was where he let us know that their 'competitive edge' is that they make it 'fun' and 'enjoyable'. This is also where we lost our first teammate - Mumsy was on her way to get tested when she got the call, so she was down for the count.
Monday morning, the soccer player didn't make it - she 'snoozed' her alarm from 5am to 7:30, arriving at work for a morning coffee at 9:30, promising to come along on Wednesday.
Monday was the initial testing - getting some base scores so we can how much we improve. I ran 9 laps of the cones in 12 minutes, I held 'brace' position for 2:20 (beating everyone else which was nice) and did 47 (kneww) pushups in a minute. By ten am I was walking like a lego man.
I was almost late this morning (seeing how my timing goes when I wake up at 6:20 instead of 6:10) and arrived to find myself the only one of my aweseome foursome threeseome. The most senior of the HR ladies caught up with us as we headed down to the lake, but still no sign of the soccer player. This morning we did fartlek training (which is not as entertaining as it might sound) - for those wishing to get more cardio you ran a minute then jogged a minute for what turned out to be 5k. For those trying to shift those kilos you got to speed walk the whole time. Fetch me that cane, I'm a walker.
However, my legs are still aching, and I've been warned that I may have to physically lift my legs off the bed tmr (SPEAKING OFF WHICH, HOW FRICKIN COLD IS IT ATM!??!!!). I'm also unable to 'visit the ladies' without sounding like I'm suffering some sort of labour induced / laxette OD / getting-back-to-my-roots-primal-grunt from the pain down my thighs. And I have grass rash on my belly (that's the more entertaining of the two).
I'm hoping to keep my legs moving and not get them stiff by hitting the shops today - taking my scraggly brother shopping and for a haircut. Last thing I need at the moment is to have to be carried to the lecturn thing to do a reading.
And as a closing note - if someone tells you that they are going to a viewing the day before the funeral, it's proddly not the best time to start rambling about how seeing your relatives lifeless ruined all of your happy memories of them, or how their skin was tearing up and falling off their face.
... and then I go and don't post it on Friday 25th!
(Note: the first bit is is a lil reminiscent of the Italian Rugby Players in case you're squeamish and would rather come back when you won't get in trubble for looking at 'stuff' or wanna scroll down quick!)
Chistmas is coming, Ladies and Gents - start the countdown!!
LESS THAN ONE MONTH TO GO!!!
Have you started your shopping?! I'm more than halfway through, but unfortunately I can't embellish on what I've bought (due to nosy 'receivers' that frequent here) to give you hints on what you could buy (last year my gifts were crappy by comparison, so I'm hopin to make up for it this year).
I figure I can do this now, then post another one straight after so at least it will be pushed down a bit.
The first time I was enrolled at uni, I switched to part time in my third year and took up waitressing parttime to break my 3 month long unemployment habit. Then I dropped out of uni entirely and took up waitressing fulltime. Whilst this proddly was not one of my best career moves ever, it was something that I think needed to be done - going straight from school to uni is not always succesful from what I've seen - my littlest bro is going through this at the moment - but he cleverly only went 1 semester into his degree before 'the big pause' rather than 2.25 years into it.
During this time, my dad told me that my Pa (his dad) was in a bit of depression. Pa was born in 1910, so he was well into his 90's at this stage, and he was getting upset about life in general - all his friends were dying, he coudn't do as much as he wanted to and then they went and closed the club in Queanbeyan where he went for his only weekly outing for the meat raffles.
When my Nana died (his wife) about 15 years earlier, my Aunty moved in to care for him. She was the one who communicated to my Dad that he was crying and losing weight and not feeling all that crash hot and a lot of it seemed to be boredome and lonliness. So I started to come in each week for a visit.
At first it was kinda awkward - I was never really that close to my grandparents and I was really grateful for my Aunties presence as she was a little easier to talk to. I'd tell him about my work and talk about the family and brough him in some pancakes to show him what they were like. As time went on I also occasionally brought him in some KFC and some McDonalds - things that he'd never tried due to his stubborness that lunch always had and always would be roast meat and veg, with icecream and jelly for dessert (He loved the KFC btw, and gave thumbs down to the Big Mac).
Over the years it got easier and easier to talk to him. Although his memory was getting pretty shot, it was never difficult to talk to him and I always had a great time talking to him. It also started that my Aunty would bother me more - the visits to him would be overshadowed by her talking about her knees, about her lunch down at the hotel something-or-other, what her friends were doing, her weight etc etc. It wasn't like I started to resent her or anything, but more that she became a bit of a joke - when I'd go back to my parents to talk to them about my visit, you'd always talk up her annoyingness. She'd talk about her life all the time and would get frustrated at him when he started to tell his long stories or didn't have his hearing aid up loud enough and you'd just want her to stop trying to make it all about her.
This last year or two my visits were getting less and less frequent. Work started to get busier, I had more and more 'Extra-carricular" activities, and his poor immune system meant that any symptoms of flu or cold meant that you couldn't go in. The last few months in particular, with exams and martial arts I hadn't been in for about three weeks. The plan was to stop past on Saturday to take in some lanolin night cream my aunty had urgently requested at 7:30am a month or so ao.
For years and years when you'd visit him and ask how he was, you'd always get a 'only just' as a response. He'd always say he was ready to go and on the edge. But these last few months he'd been really well, the life of the party (albeit at his brothers funeral), he'd finally got his new teeth, got a new fence put up and the garden was going well - he'd just put in the tomatoes. My Dad and brother were in there Thursday night and he may well have asked where I was, asking if I'd 'given him away' as he often said when I hadn't been in for a while.
Friday at 4:40 my dad called to tell me that he'd died. The carer had left the house at 2 and my aunty returned at 3:30 after Christmas shopping. Fridays were her 'days off' when she could 'get away' for a few hours. The oven was shifted and he was on the floor - he'd either had a stroke or a fall and hit the oven on his way down when he shuffled into the kitchen to wash the cups from the tea he'd shared with the carer.
In her 'state' she called my 20 year old brother at home, to tell him to tell my dad (he was also the one who had to tell my dad after I got hit by a car).
I don't know where to go with this - my usual way of dealing is not to think about it - so I may be a little dodgly this upcoming week - there's a viewing on Wednesay and Funeral on Thursday. There's just these moments where you realise the things you were still waiting to do - to show him my new house, to cook him a roast (after I'd made my first one and it was fairly succesful), to show him my grading video, to get to know more about him...
And to see my aunty all in tears in the loungeroom begging me not to stop coming in now that he's gone and only feeling frustrated.
I can't remember who sung that song, or even how it goes (other than the chours that goes 'I lied about being, the out-door-type').
As you proddly already know, my 'sport' of choice is martial arts (quote-sport-quote as it's oft quoted "it's not a sport, it's a lifestyle"). This has worked well for me thus far (over 16 years of thus-farness) as I never really tried anything else when I was younger.
Let me regale you with this itty-bitty-ditty: in year six, the 'cool' teacher took us out to the oval to play rugby. "Who doesn't know how to play rugby?" she quipped, and a lone (daggy) EnnyPen was the only person to put up their hand. I can't remember what happened next, but it mustn't've involved me shouting 'just kidding' and scoring the winning goal (score? try?) as I've only started learning the basics from a watching perspective this year. Age 23. Year 18 equivalent.
This has meant I never learnt the rules of many 'well known' games - Rugby, AFL, Netball, Cricket, Soccer etc. It also means I never developed any hand-eye coordination, any throwing or catching skills or any 'team player' skills.
Nayways, martial arts is not a team sport. If you get tired, or puffed, or corked, you jus gotta keep on going. You don't get to call 'interchange' and swap with someone of the same gender thats just standing around swilling water.
If you get your weapon to the target, then good on you. It doesn't matter which way the 'target' bounces across the oval (or to the opposing team) to the dismayed looks of your teammates.
You are given gradings or tests to justify what skill level you are at as an individual. You are not just put at a level according to the roughly general skill level of you combined with 8 other people.
You get taught the combinations - they are definable, they make sense, and just showing a basic grasp of what you should be doing is usually enough to at least pass you at a grading. You do not just get chucked onto the field with the 8 others and have to kind of guess your way through 40 minutes of huffing and puffing, stumbling and mumbling, kicking and missing, and shouting and pouting.
You guessed it. EnnyPen (the uncoordinated, unfit, non-team player who hates sport remo) is playing mixed soccer in the top division.
And this is where you all need to listen up.
You at the back - shhhhh!
Jus because a friend asked you nicely to play and you spent $80 on soccer boots last year to play a game that you hate and don't understand for 8 weeks over summer, does not mean that you have to play again.
Now that you've learnt your lesson, please repeat the above paragraph to me next year when she askes me play for the third year in a row?
I resent that you wouldn't let me in to the right lane at the stupidest round-a-bout in all of Canberra this afternoon. In peak hour traffic. When you could see that I was backing up the traffic halfway to the Hyperdome in my attempt to be able to get home.
I also resent that you nonchalantly looked out your driver side window like you didn't know what you were doing, while you inched closer and Closer and CLOSER to the car in front of you.
I also resent that you didn't indicate as you turned right at the roundabout - you know that knobby thing to the right of the steering wheel of your big mans car? Yeah, you're meant to use that. And no, using it for a little then stopping it before you turn does not legal indication make.
However, I don't resent you having personalised numberplates to assist in my identification of you; nor that you have given me something else to support my belief that all youse politics guys are jerky shitheads.
I was going to post about it - I wasn't 'able' to attend (read into that how you will) - but I don't know that I'm in such a position to do so.
So instead, I'd like to commission a study into the black hole that is present between assessment that you fiddle-fart-arse out at the last minute and score well on, and the assessment you frickin stress your hair out and score the same on. WTF?!
One the one hand, studying for exams is something I can potentially enjoy, - finally understanding the things I was meant to know from the second week onwards and witnessing the way it all makes so much sense now!; - snaking my way out of housework as I'm too busy studying; and - the little rush of elation you get post exam/pre-riccadonna party.
However, - It doesn't always make all that much sense; - I still do the shopping and cooking and occassionally a lil bit of cleaning; and - STUDYING SUCKS THE FUN FORCE OUT OF LIFE.
It's a lovely sunny day, the birds are chirping, there's not much wind out.
My parents have a fuckload of seafood left over from yesterdays Dads-birthday-shenanigans that I could go over and partake in (I had a day off from the CSIRO diet).
I haven't been spending much and I wanna go shop for my new 70kg and shrinking frame (albeit proddly not shrinking much atm due to afore-mentioned Dads-birthday shenanigans).
I need to go out and get ideas for Christmas presents - particularly for The Hun who ALWAYS trumps my gifts AND takes great pride in his ability to do that AND guesses what I have bought him AND doesn't feel that guilty about no matter how much I pout and *booo*.
I need to get a tan so I can wear a skirt!
I need to get some more excercise.
You can see that all the forces of fun are against me. And whilst perousing my ennypen gmail account for stuff I've forwarded to myself for these post drought conditions, I found something to express exactly how I feel.
Life: ... Your life score is reasonably high. This means that you are on a good path. Continue doing what is working and set about to improve in areas which continue to lag. Do this starting today and you will begin to reap the benefits immediately.
Mind:Your mind score is within a healthy zone. This means you have achieved a level of mental balance and harmony consistent with living a healthy, happy life. Continue doing what works, and keep your focus. In our fast-paced world, mental clutter is all too common. Be vigilant in maintaining healthy mental function.
Body: You have an excellent body score, which means you are incredibly focused on maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Continue in that focus, and your body will remain healthy and strong.
Spirit:Your spirit score is relatively high, which means you are rewarded by your beliefs. Spirituality is clearly important to do. Never let it slip, and continue to learn and grow.
Friends/Family:Your friends and family score is not bad but can be improved. Maintain your current social net, while you try to expand it. Try new things and form new friendships. You will be rewarded greatly.
Love: Your love score is in good shape, meaning that things are going well. Do all you can to maintain it, and continue to grow and move ahead.
Finance: You have a rather good financial score, which is not all that common these days. Keep doing what works. Avoid common pitfalls and save for the future. You will be glad you did.
I had my exam today, and I think I at least passed - hopefully all the younglings excitedly talking over each other about how they didn't know where right, thus bumping my marks up. 10 questions and an essay in 2 hours. I was a little muddled on the 'statism' one, and the 'structural adustment' wasn't in the notes, but maybe my rambling will give me half a mark. We'll hafta wait and see.
I was going to celebrate with a drink or two, but The Hun is still out and about and this CSIRO thang isn't making me feel like 'rewarding' myself with something 'naughty'. Although this should be a good thing, I was looking forward to having an excuse. Twisted.
Anyways, I've got a mustard roast to prepare, I best be off.
However, I do leave you with Scott Adams' (Mr Dilbert) notes on blogging that he sent out in his newsletter that I thought was appropriate and deep and meaningful. I've also linked his blog here and on the sidebar (look left, stoopid!).
Yours in potentical cheeriness and newsworthiness next time, Enny.
MY OWN DILBERT BLOG ===================
When I see news stories about people all over the world who are experiencing hardships, I worry about them, and I rack my brain wondering how I can make a difference. So I decided to start my own blog. That way I won’t have time to think about other people.
People who are trying to decide whether to create a blog or not go through a thought process much like this:
1. The world sure needs more of ME. 2. Maybe I’ll shout more often so that people nearby can experience the joy of knowing my thoughts. 3. No, wait, shouting looks too crazy. 4. I know – I’ll write down my daily thoughts and badger people to read them. 5. If only there was a description for this process that doesn’t involve the words egomaniac or unnecessary. 6. What? It’s called a blog? I’m there!
The blogger’s philosophy goes something like this:
Everything that I think about is more fascinating than the crap in your head.
The beauty of blogging, as compared to writing a book, is that no editor will be interfering with my random spelling and grammar, my complete disregard for the facts, and my wandering sentences that seem to go on and on and never end so that you feel like you need to take a breath and clear your head before you can even consider making it to the end of the sentence that probably didn’t need to be written anyhoo.
If that doesn’t inspire you to read my blog, I don’t know what will.
It's getting a bit post-droughty here atm, but there seems to be a lot goin on. Everyone's busy, so for your convenience, I'll dot point summarise my to-ings and fro-ings.
I have my first uni exam (politics) next Tuesday. Today is Thursday. I'm trying not to do the math on that.
Although I do know that I seem to be running out of study time, what with happy hour on friday night, the oven man coming at 7:30 am saturday and a bbq for The Huns best friends birthday Sat lunch. And washing to do. And shopping as well. I need Pepsi Max. I think we all know which one won't be sacrificed for study time.
I started the CSIRO diet last week. It seems to be working as my scales showed a flat 70 this morning. Granted they are dodgy woolies ones, but I haven't seen that in a lil while. SHADDUP. 70 IS GOOD WHEN YOUR ALMOST 180cm AND HAVE MARTIAL ARTS MUSCLES. *HUMPH*
Unfortunately, afore mentioned diet means that whilst dining at Hogs Breath with friends tonight, I will have to lean towards this:
Chicken Dijonnaise Marinated grilled chicken breast topped with sliced avocado and smothered with creamy dijon mustard sauce. Served with lashings of mashed potato or Hog Tail fries and fresh vegetables.
Fish of the Day Check out the specials board. This dish changes like the tide. We use fresh fish whenever possible.
Rather than this:
or one of these:
and this:*curses cocktail dress that is planned to be worn for wedding over New Years in swanky Brisbane resort*
I still haven't got ANY marks back for my law course. Stay tuned for the law exam on friday the 18th.
I'm starting to get excited about buying a car next year, when my lease on my 200 is done. Anyone want a super hott 200 for 18,000 in Oct 06? Sold!
I also found that while there is something super-liberating about posting about actual real life stuff (eg, messy room!), you will still get feedback that is just as puzzling and almost disturbing as when you post about girlish flirtish fun imaginary stuff. Hmmm.
You may not have been able to guage it from my style, but I'm not well known for my 'tidiness'. The Hun has tried a few methods to correct this - he left me a note when I came back from Martial Arts camp mentioning that he thinks he saw something move in my 'dressing room', he's told me I'm to messy to ever be wife, and he's threatened to post pics of it on my blog. Because I'm competitive when I can be stuffed to be, I decided to post it myself.
And THEN, as an attempt to make it more interesting for myself (I have a tendency of starting things and then NEVAH finishing) I decided to capture it for the masses and blog it.
Aren't you lucky little kittens?
Let the games begin!
This is my room from the doorway:
You cannot see the floor. I'd like to maintain that in my head there are groupings of clean and messy clothes, but you mere mortals proddly can't tell...
To make it easier, I like to do portions. This is the desk portion:
You can see how high tech my old computer was by the free stickers that are all over it....
But now, ta-dah!!:
Now my signed Barry Williams poster is given the prominence it deserves! I met him, you know - I also got two photos taken with him in my buddys camera phone, but he must've been totally intimidated coz they were all shaky and didn't turn out and B to the Wizzo was soooo snappy that we were too scared to ask for him to pose AGAIN. I also didn't have to pay the ripoff $70 for the dinner and show at the Southo, but got to waltz in just at the end, escorted by the one-armed doorman! *SNAP* total celebrity!!!
Next Portion: Next to the mirror:
Um, this is still from this trip... I'm not a very 'quick' unpacker, shall we say...
But now, Wow!
Ok, not much of a difference, but for those of you who couldn't tell my dirty pile from my tidy pile, thats the newly defined dirty pile above.
Portion Trois:This area is lovingly known as the 'scary pile', due to it's ability to reach the window sill if I can't find what I'm looking for...
Now you can appreciate my artistic ability - I painted that pic whilst on a week long 'day camp' at the ANU art school when I was high school, where I was tormented for being the oldest and lonliest... *sigh*.
The next portion was my personal area of concern...
I honest to God thought there were mice living in the bottom shelf, in my 'memories' shoeboxes...
See the difference now?!
No? Thats coz I only pulled out the boxes, looked for poop and shuffled things around a bit. Rest assured that I keep the doors closed. (Laydeez - if you can track down one of the promotional Davidoff Cool Water posters that's hangin to the right there, feel free to mail me a letter of praise. That man is GOD). (Don't tell the adjoining White Ninja, The Rock or Legolas pictures that I favour him over them. Puh-lease!).
Almost there! Check out my messy Dresser top (the one without the broken TV on it):
This was after I decided to put all my CD's onto my iPod and couldn't be assed to put em back...
(That took like 3 minutes).
See! I wasn't just shuffling the mess around - there's clean floor!!:
Note: There was a delay of about half an hour before I could start this post as I had to wait till The Hun woke up because my lappy wasn't picking up my camera, before I realised (after he's sat down at it for a few minutes) that we were in fact plugging and unplugging the printer insteat... did I mention I've done IT?
Thats right! Here's a rundown of what you can get up to!
First, arrange a convoy meeting point then get there late. Then lead a convey down the highway, travelling 40k an hour with your hazards on to let the other people catch up, ignoring the glares from the cranky workers stuck down behind you.
Run a fitness class, the most excruciating part for you being clapping your hands to 'Lose my Breath' and yelling at people to punch continuously.
Whinge along with everyone else about the pain, until they remember it's entirely your fault and you did nothing, Nothing, NOTHING!!!
Bang on the wall to shut up the noisy girls in the next cabin.
BANG AGAIN LOUDER!!
Quick wake up at 3 am to rouse the Ramadan students for some brekky.
Wake again at 6:30 for meditation class.
Block ears and cover eyes as student vomits over the side of the building.
Take photos of your students training in the hot sun for almost two hours, thusly:
Start your own brawls by picking 4 people to fight 2, on your own entertainment-based whims, thusly: Lunch.
Enforce another 2.5 hours training in the sun and get sunburnt scalp that will peel and look like dandruff at work on Thursday.
Run 'teambuilding' game where you state who you are and what you like - laugh hysterically when one students mentions he likes childrens cartoons, and look bewildered when another says he likes pain.
Run another teambuilding excercise where to students build a spaghetti marshmallow tower, thusly:
Judge competition where students design poster to advertise school, unawares that they are doing task assigned to EnnyPen months ago, thusly:
Watch self defence class where one student accidentally fingers nose of another when trying to fake an eye gouge, and almost cack as brother lets out particularly stanky fart noticed only by one other person in the class.
Bang on the wall to shut up the noisy girls in the next cabin.
BANG AGAIN LOUD ENOUGH TO BE HEARD FOUR CABINS AWAY!!!
Wake students up at 2:30 for candle staring meditation.
Make girls stay later for staying late, ignoring young boy who has fallen asleep.
Wake sleeping boy to make him eat Ramadan brekky.
Wake students again at 630 for training.
Learn how to use a jo, thusly:
Pose for a photo on the stinkin hot bitchumen, looking like your training hard, thusly:
Take turns in knocking each other down to get 'Look how hard I trained, Mum' grasstains, thusly:
Punish girls for being late to 230 am session by making them run around the oval like a chicken (in true martial arts style), thusly:
Pose for a photo like you've had a fantastic weekend, thusly:
Whinge to all who'll listen about how terrible a weekend you had.
Praise the Lord when you get out of speeding ticket, don't let it be dampened by fact that last car in convoy got booked.