Sunday, March 09, 2008

We are those people

I picked up my friend D just after 6:30 on Friday night - we were headed to dinner to celebrate the birthday of another friend (all friends I picked up when in my previous longterm relationship that I still keep in touch with).

We arrived a little after 7, meeting up with one of D's exes who also penetrated the group to some degree, and took our seats at the table. A quick look around relaxed me to some degree - my ex had not yet arrived.

I was sitting two seats away from Mrs Batman - looking tired and desperate for another glass of soft drink to replace the one she had just finished. "You know I'm knocked up again, right?". Her bluntness, although a little disarming, was pretty indicative of the fact she was not yet at the glowing stage. As I congratulated her she explained that the child was due in October, that Mr Batman had told the majority of people at the table some of his friends after growing tired of their ribbing him for piking on a lot of events and spilled the beans he was caring for a pregnant wife, and that she hadn't yet told the other group of mutual friends that we share.

I looked across the table and saw one of our friends holding his 3 month old son - a gorgeous little boy, dressed tidily and alert, his almond eyes happy. I commented to D on just how cute the boy was, as Mr Batman walked past behind them, holding the hand of his 13 month son.

"D... we are those people. We are the table of people at the restaurant holding babies, drinking wine, splitting the bill evenly."

I think all people at our age are a-feeling it at the moment. I've been through these stages before - the 18ths, the 21sts, the graduations, the moving out, the engagements, the homeowners, the weddings and now the babies.

The babies.

One of my martial arts students fiancee's gave birth to their son almost a month ago. The Hun's best friends wife will be having their second in June. My pretty much best friend from High school is having her second son at the end of this month. The girl I was good friends with in school who totally transformed into a stranger is pregnant. Babies, babies, babies.

We went to a christening a few weeks ago, for yet another set of friends with yet another baby - a happy, boofy headed baby boy. "The Hun, when do I get to have one of my own?"
"What? By the time you're thirty, that's what you want."
"I want one now. Noooooooooow."
"Huh? You won't even hold a baby! What would you do with it?"
"Surely that comes with it? The hormones... it all works itself out. I can stay home and clean and try to promise myself to walk it an hour a day to shift the baby weight.... What if I hold one, how long?"
"How long...? Two years."
"Ok.... two years after I hold one I can have on my own...? That sounds about right... we can get married in a year and then three months later - IT'S ON."
"Whatever."

It's true. I don't like to hold them. They're small and their brains show through their sculls and they're likely to cry when the see I'm not their parent and then everyone will look at me and I will have no idea what to do. The one time I did hold a baby (that I can remember) I felt, smelt and heard the little guy crapping himself. It was not pleasant.

I mentioned this to magf the other week and she slyly organised the other martial arts student that has a child to bring his daughter to training.

So I did it.

They put the giant 9 month old into my arms and I held her chubby thighs while she looked around confused as my face contorted due to the shock of her dense weight and the unsettling feeling of massive amounts of gas vibrating through her nappy.

And now?

I reckon I could do it. It would be hard, I don't doubt it, but I reckon I could at least get used to holding it. Baby steps, people, baby steps.

11 comments:

Lulu said...

Cute post! I laughed a lot at your description of babies( esp about seeing their brains through their skulls!)!!!! I want kids, when I don`t know, sometimes I look at babies and kids and think I want one now but I know I am not ready. I am too selfish yet to be a mother!!!

Maybe in a couple of years (or five!)!!! I am fine with babies though, and I am actually ok at calming them down if they cry, can change diapers and feed kids and put them to sleep...years of babysitting practice!! Having worked with children a lot in the last couple of years I know that I could be a mother if I wanted to be, and probably do an ok job (I hope!)

Shun wants kids right away, as in get married, get pregnant and poof! You have a baby! I am not so sure...mainly because of money...I would rather be in a financially secure position before procreating! We have decided that depending on the money situation we would probably start trying after been married a year or 18 months!!! I just turned 23, I would rather be about 25 or so before I start having kids I think.....I never thought until recently that I would be getting married as young as I am.....Which is a bit scary! I never expected kids to come into the picture until i was at least 30!

Oh look at me, I wrote a whole post in your comments box! Whoops!

Anyway I better clean the apartment, becoming a domestic goddess should happen before kids right?!?!?!

D'Jen said...

EEeeeep!

I wouldn't worry about not liking babies very much, I am sure when it's your OWN baby then it's more fun to hold. When it's the brain YOU helped to create inside a soft, holey skull it's probably slightly more magical and less icky.

Don't remind me about being one of those people! I don't want to be in the marriage and babies stage! What about travelling!? Adventures?! Experiences?! I know I am defs not ready to be a grown up yet.

P.S I'm sure your baby will be very sweet...but I won't hold it :P

Enny said...

lulu - heh, you are so much more capable than I would ever be, n I can't believe Shun wants kids now - wow! Hope the cleaning was not too bad :o)

d'jen - it was a total stomach drop moment. I had lunch my friend due in March and she said she is THE least maternal woman in the world, that things are definitely different when the baby is yours. It's funny because I said to The Hun yesterday that wouldn't it be awesome to take him to England for his 30th to watch a Liverpool game and he was like 'what about the rugrats?' and I was like 'oh yeah... leave them at home... or go this year... or when you're 40! I guess I will always have time to travel and stuff, but I'd be worried about being too old for childrens sake... You've now given me a goal too!

M said...

I have to tell you that when all your friends have babies before you do you enter this bizarre stage where (and I SWEAR TO GOD THIS IS THE TRUEST THING EVER WRITTEN) you will find yourself to be the only sane person in the room. Them parent people are just full of crazies.

Babies are cute and all but I'm just sayin'!!

Lara said...

i know so many people who are pregnant now, too. and i want one SOOOO bad. :( but i guess i need to find me a man first, huh?

Enny said...

m - I totally believe that... I guess I'm just lucky that the number of friends with babies I have is in the minority!

lara - Not necessarilly! :o)

Adam said...

Dude, you are making me supernervous... are you really, hardcorely, totally, absolutely, no doubts about it, can't possibly live without, desperate for kids? They will change your life completely forever and are you sure you'd be bringing them into a world that you're confident will be ace?

Sorry, I'm a bit hardcore today but I'm just not convinced having a baby will improve both yours and the huns life. It's such a monumental thing that everyone seems to take fairly lightly. It'd probs be totally depressing, but it would be interesting to see the resource impact for each new person. Would so many people have kids if it was proven that each child would cause the endangerment of so many animals?

Anywho, apart from my own issues possibly ruining this post, this was a totally cute post. Babies are scary and seem so breakable you did totally well hold one. I've done it too, but I'm still scared.

Enny said...

adam - you know I only write these posts to have you come past and visit! No, not at this stage. I'm not going to try tonight and have one by the end of the year - BUT if you wait until you're ready (like lots of major life decisions) it will never happen - people are never 100% ready. I love the way you angle to my veganism too - I think you don't think it will work with The Hun and I ;o)

D'Jen said...

Enny, I so, so agree with you.

I read a quote once that said "You have never been as ready as you are right now". I think people spend far too much time waiting for everything to be perfect and how can you even measure perfection, how do you know things won't get even more "perfect" in a years time or something, you know? So when it feels right go for it, and the rest will work itself out :)

Adam said...

Dude, I so know it will work out between you and The Hun, you've had crazy moments and he's still around, surely you can't get any crazier...

Heh, I'm just teasing. I think you're both ace and I'd marry you both (after Caras and maybe a Deb, Jac, Jen triple). Did I just propose to 6 people? Messy.

Enny said...

d'jen - damn straight! Very wise, young lady :o)

adam - I KNEW this was going to end with you proposing to me - and I love Cara, Deb, Jac and Jen so that works out great for me too! Oh yeah... and The Hun.

I do, I Do, I DO!!
*sob* *sniffle* *twinkle*