Saturday, June 30, 2007

Jus asking for a friend of a friend of a friend of mine...

I've only heard about a few proposals in my time - there have been many more that I just don't know the details of.

I know someone who was taken to Melbourne for a weekend, where she was proposed to with a ring on a carriage ride before they chose an engagement ring together the next day.

I know someone whose boyfriend mentioned they should go to the snow for the weekend, giving her only a few days notice - she agreed if he'd organise it all. They were out on the snow all day and then once back in the room he told her to wait in the bathroom while he got ready - she was allowed back in almost an hour late to find the room covered in rose petals and candles. He proposed with a setting he'd had made with a diamond he'd ordered from the US.

I know someone who kept asking and asking until she finally agreed the third time.

I know someone who brought it up as an idea and then it just sorta happened, though it's still kinda secret for a while (NO, NOT ME).

I can't say I know of anyone who has proposed to their boyfriend though.

Do you?

Would it suck or would it be lovely?

Would the girl forever why she wasn't 'special' enough to be proposed to like other girls have?

Just wondering, y'know...


Erica said...

You wouldn't wonder forever why you weren't "special" enough. Because a proposal isn't something that you do because society wants you to, it's something you do because you simply can't do anything else.

You can't sit for any longer without telling them that you don't want to live the rest of your life without them in it, and that you want to be their's forever, and that all you want to do, really, is marry them. And then (hopefully) they are in absolute and perfect agreeance, and tell you that they too don't want to spend the rest of their life without you.

A proposal isn't really about marriage, it's about that feeling that you just can't hold back any longer.

And it's also not something you need to parade around to your friends, because once the two of you know it that's enough. It's a committment to a life together, not an invitation to begin planning a wedding.

So with that in mind, it's not at all strange for a girl to propose to their boyfriend. It is a lovely, lovely thing to do. Boys are always hating the fact that they have to do all the initation in the relationship - so for the girl to take charge would be a wonderful relief for them.

It will be lovely.

StyleyGeek said...

In theory, I agree with Erica. But as someone who did do the proposing myself, I've always wondered what would have happened if I hadn't. Like, would he have ever have thought of it himself?

Not that I regret it.

DelightfulJen said...

I agree with Erica, but it's not something I would do personally. I also would never ask a boy out, more power to any girls who do ask boys out and propose to their boys, it's just not something I'd feel comfortable doing.

I think I'd like to be proposed to with a ring, I think it's quite charming for a boy to put thought into buying a ring he thinks you'll love (and really, how hard would it be to love ANY idea someone you truly love buys for you, even if it's not something you'd normally have picked?)

I don't think you'd have any "why am I not special enough" feelings, I don't think it has to do with being special enough, it's just one of those things, and anyways, if all goes to plan you'll end up engaged and married so that should be an example of how special you are anyways :)

Maybe tell your friend to drop very subtle yet specific hints :P

Jac said...

I think I've always imagined that you'd talk about marriage and spending the rest of your lives together a fair bit before the question was even asked... is that totally off the mark?

How can a proposal ever be a surprise?! And if it WAS a surprise that probably means that the proposee isn't ready for marriage anyway.

I think I'm rambling....

All I'm saying is - both parties would have to be pretty much in agreeance to the 'spending-the-rest-of-your-lives-together' thing, and therefore the proposal itself is just a really special way of making it official. So in that case, yeah, I'd wanna be proposed to. I'm not traditional in many ways, but that's one of them!

Desci said...

Bobby's coworker's wife proposed to him. Basically, because she knew that he was just a bit slack when it came to relationships (obsessed with his job, in that typical way engineers, tech and IT boys can be) and, though he loved her to bits and pieces, she knew that if she waited for him to get around to organising himself, she's be waiting forever.

Also, I say any action that gives the finger to traditional gender roles is to be applauded.

Mmm, podcast fodder...

Rosanna said...

Oh, I could never!

My friend proposed to her boyfriend... she even brought him a ring and he NEVER BROUGHT HER ONE.

I still can't believe that.

What if she had never made the effort? And did he simply say yes because of the shock or because he couldn't imagine spending his life with anyone else?

cristy said...

Paul didn't propose to me. He woke up one morning and told me that he dreamed that we had gotten married. I then teased him that he really wanted to marry me (as in "Paul wants to marry me...") and somehow we decided to get engaged about 30 minutes later (we started talking hypothetically about whether we could have a picnic for the reception and one thing led to another).

It was probably the perfect way to get engaged, but sometimes I wish that he'd done the whole big romantic proposal. It was never really our style though, so it would have been weird.

I think that people need to go with what feels right for them. Different ways suit different couples... (Not very helpful really, was I?)

gigglewick said...

I asked Mr Fix out first.

He proposed marriage while lying in bed at 6am on a Monday morning.

I thought he was stoned/tired/insane.

I gave him 12 hours to reconsider.

He didn't.

It's our 10 year anniversary this year.

kiki said...

what does
'god feeds the ravens' mean?

kind regards,

Enny said...

Apologies for the delay - my friend had a lot to get through and wasn't able to get back sooner...

erica - Surely the same could be said for just being with someone forever? Without an engagement? But I'm sure you're right about boys hating that sorta stuff - they hate ALL stuff ;o)

styleygeek - Did you just tire of waiting? What was the reaction of friends/family?

d'jen - well, my friend has no worries in asking guys out - she kinda figured she was past waiting for guys to get their act together and to just go for it (she can be ballsy sometimes). The ring thing is what she's caught up on - like, yeah, you can 'be engaged', but it's not really 'real' until there's a ring, y'know? I'm sure she's quite clear ;o)

jac - no, on the mark. They've talked about it a fair bit, including how they'd get married, who'd they'd invite etc, and the being together forever thing is talked about like commonplace - it's not a shock. So the proposal is something that would make it OFFICIAL official... but she's waiting... and waiting...

desci - that's the place she's coming from, I think. That they both want it to happen but he is LAY-ZY. So more about the thing of wanting it to happen now rather than stickin it to the man...!

rosanna - he never bought her one?! I can't believe that!! It's the ring that makes it all so official!

cristy - that's lovely! When did the ring etc happen from that, or how did you know it was the actual proposal and not just a talk about it?!

G'wick - Awww, that's lovely. Well, not the stoned thing, but that it was all him and he didn't make it a joke.

Kiki - It's kinda saying like God looks after the odd ones out, the scavengers, the leftovers... those that aren't like the rest and may be thought of differently, oddly or 'special'y...?! That's how I see it anyways.

StyleyGeek said...

styleygeek - Did you just tire of waiting? What was the reaction of friends/family?

I wouldn't say I'd been waiting all that long. But once I'd decided that we were right for each other, and realised that he appeared to feel the same way, I didn't see why I should wait at all before at least testing the waters. And it seemed dishonest to hint rather than to just come out and make a suggestion.

We didn't tell family and friends who proposed unless they asked, which most of them didn't. A few asked HOW he proposed, just assuming it was him, so I explained, and they didn't seem bothered or surprised.

The one regret is that like Rosanna's friend, I never got a ring! But really, when it comes down to it, you don't get engaged for a piece of jewelry, you do it for each other, and that's what counts!

Deb said...

Whoa this is a tricky one.

We talk about marriage and kids all the time, and pretty much everything we do now is for that time, so its all very definate that we plan to stay together for the long haul, but I am still waiting for it to be offical. It's actually been a bit of a bone of contention in some fights because about the whole 'well, if you're commited as you say, what the hell are we waiting for?!' and many times I have contemplated doing the asking myself, just to get on with it!

The bf always puts the breaks on because, as a notorious tight ass, he is worried about the cost. *sigh*

but its one of the things that I love about him, and its not the ring that means we will be together for good, but our word to each other. The main reason I want to get married is to make it offical and so that when we have kids, we all have the same last names!!

He dropped a few hints that something might happen during one of our wild weekends in Sydney on the weekend just gone, but I'm not holding my breath :P

I am very traditional in the sense that ideally, in a perfect world, i want a proppsal that is something to tell the grandkids about and that I want to be proposed to. Maybe on stage at a Michael Buble concert in front of a mass of people? haha, my expectations arent really that high, are they? LOL!!

M said...

you know how in the past men hunted and women gathered? Well, now women still gather - we're still the primary source that stays home with the child, we're still the 'nesters' etc etc. Meanwhile we've also become the hunters in many many ways. Almost all ways. I think we need to stop doing everything. Let the men ask. Personally, I don't know how I'd feel about marrying someone who doesn't do the asking. I guess I need that assertiveness from someone else in my life.

Of course, that's just me. I realise that there are people out there that are totally okay with reversing the roles on this one because they don't mind about the assertive factor.

If she does it, tell us the story! - obviously if she does it then she's probably pretty sure that he'll say yes so it'll all be good. And it'd also be a good story ;)

Enny said...

stylegeek - Good on you for doing it still! I'm sure it's not all about the ring, but that does seem to be the main 'official' part, doesn't it? "When? How? Let's see the ring!"

deb - Seems you HAVE put some thought into it - I'm sure Mr Buble would be a good sport, he was on Kath & Kym afterall! The 'why the hell not now' thing makes sense, but I guess the cost thing can too... though I believe it was already agreed that any wedding would be low key.

m - you do speak good sense! I just can't say 100% that if it wasn't the guy asking, that girl wouldn't wonder 'would he have asked? when? how?' etc... I'll be sure to keep you updated if anything happens though!

alyndabear said...

Hey, I just came over from LaLa's blog and randomly found this post..

Other than a one-off drunken proposal made to the boy when I was a little er, under the influence whilst traveling, I'm hanging out for a nice serving of good ol' fashioned romance when it comes to engagements.

(No questions on how long I'll be waiting for.. hopes are fairly low, at the moment!)

Great blog!

Enny said...

a'bear - Hullo! Heh heh, under the influence, nicely termed ;o) And thanks!

Adam said...


All this really is the reason why I have no interest in getting married.
In my opinion, a wedding should be a symbol that two people have amazingly found the person they commit to for the remainder of their lives. Weddings are big deals because that is a big deal, committing to one person for the rest of your life. Seinfield was right, that should happen like 5 times ever.

Instead, marriage has become a status symbol. People who don't get married feel (or are made to feel) lesser than others. All the symbolism gets lost under the trivialities of the style of the ring and the types of flowers. It seems like all our coupled friends are engagin' up at the moment and it does my head in, because I see very few of them actually staying together forever.

The whole thing seems so flashy and silly to me. Why would so many people be invited to something that is so intimate, special and so incredibly massive? I understand the means for celebration, but I also feel the celebration has become the focal point. If you think about all the things most people are excited about; the ring, the party, the cars, the attention, it does seem like most are so distracted by the bit that really is minor to the whole point. Or the other bits people are excited about; the officiality, the sense of value all should be happy coincidences to actually needing to stay with that one person forever not the reasons for jumping in.

Divorce happens for two reasons (a generalisation I know); people either grew apart or they never should have gotten married in the first place. I honestly believe that the divorce rate is so high because people are so distracted by the flashy fun bits that when once the dust settles and the attention and novelty wears off the two people left aren't really sure where to go from there, because this wasn't the bit they were excited about, and then they realise there is a whole stack of reasons why they can't be with their person forever.

This totally might not be the case here, but I guess because I care for your friend so much I want to make sure that the story isn't distracting from the far more massive reason the story even exists.

That all said, I would totally travel anywhere for any weddings I might get myself invited to.

Enny said...

adam - you have many valid points - always a voice of reason! Speaking on behalf of the friend:

Yes, a wedding should be a symbol that they've found the perosn they want to commit to - so when they both know it, why not get married? Once you know, you know.

The thing about the unmarried people is true - it would be very hard to not compare your relationship to every other - ppl together longer or shorter, fight more or less, own a house together or not... however I do know that this person is not caught up in flowers and cars. The ring is one of the few traditions she did want other than a church. No big wedding, no 3000 dress, no reception of 200 people. She wanted very immediate family and friends only on a nice holiday, then coming back for a chillaxed engagement/reception party all in one.

I think that it is not so much the flashy fun stuff that she wants, just the public commitment and acknowledgement.

And I'll be sure to let her know that you'll make her chillaxed reception if it ever happens :o)

Adam said...

I'm not sure how I feel about someone using the words 'voice of reason' in reference to me though, I much prefer the term 'Voice of SuperRad.'

It does sound like your friend totally sounds like her head is in the right place. I imagine her dude is quite content with the status quo, he knows how he feels and knows how she feels and is quite contented.

Since your friend is a bit more excited then maybe she should sweetly ask two questions:

"Will you marry me?"
"Will you buy me an engagement ring?"

I think any loved up young man would be massively excited to be asked such questions. It would be a lovely gift from a loved up young lady.

Enny said...

adam - I thought that went without saying!

She said she would love to share a story with you if you're up to emailing her to hear a ranty story... ;o)

La Flor said...

you know, there's a good chance i'll propose one day. and once/of i do, i'll try to remember to come back to this site to complain about how humiliating it was to be turned down =)

Adam said...

la flor,

If you get super concerned about being rejected, just tell everyone that you're getting married on the 7th of October at blah blah place to whomever rocks up. Heaps of people get all ponderous and decide to front up. Not only won't you get rejected, but you'll probably get to choose.

Win, win, win, win, win.

Enny said...

la flor - welcome! I doubt that you would be - do many people actually say no when they are asked?! You will, of course, have to come back to tell us all about it though!

adam - the 7th? I'll be there!