Monday, September 04, 2006

Taking Compliments AND Becoming A Real Girl

"She said you're really good with the kids - really patient!"
"Ah" I mocked "It's because I'm so maternal, heh heh"

Why did I have to mock in my response? Why couldn't I just take the compliment?

"Really? She only had nice things to say about you..."
"It's all an act"
"Maybe you've been overly influenced...?"
"No, because I've seen more and I'm more with the other side"

Why do I make other peoples problems my problems? And why did it hafta take me saying out loud to my mum to realise jus how petty I can be?

"It looks good hunny - you're beautiful"

Why can't I just take the compliment without pulling a face or making a smarmy comment?

(So here's the second part)

The last compliment was nice enough, but then the hole got dug deeper.

Basically? It would appear I go to efforts to make my self unattractive - I could be beautiful, but I seem to make some effort to hide myself as plain jane - so not many people can see how beautiful I can be, not that he really wants any other people to see it anyway...

So I'm taking it on board...

Can anyone give me any hints on how to not be a plain jane?

The thing is, I'm lazy. I like my comfy pants around the house, I like my tracky dacks and sloppy joes, and I like thongs and jeans and singlets when it gets warmer. I don't wear makeup (my concealer is from my year 10 formal), I can't straighten my hair and I can't do anything with it other than attempt a straighten or put it in a ponytail.

I don't know what's cool, I don't know what's attractive, I don't know what's in, I don't know what's hott or nottt.

So I'm asking for a little help for a mini-overhaul.

Any ideas, ladies and gents?


Martie said...

I suggest, if you really want to do this for yourself, and not just for other people, that you start off slow.

Try some tinted moisturiser, a little bit of mascara, and some lipgloss.

If you can't be bothered with your hair (one of my BIGGEST problems), go to a hairdresser and ask for a 'wash & go' cut, that you can wash it, dry it out, and it will look styled.

As for the clothes, maybe try picking out 'dressy' jumpers or lounge pants - in pretty colours - and when it's warmer, swap to casual denim skirts or similar. And I'm TOTALLY with you on the thongs - I live in them - but maybe try leather ones, or ones with beads for something more dressy.

Sorry it's so long - maybe I should take some of my own advice. I'm such a tomboy.

Anyway, don't start changin' unless you're comfortable with it.


GBE said...

I definitely have no idea, seeing as I also never wear make-up (I don't even have any concealer or any of that skin-coloured paint-type stuff), but what I do know is that hair straighteners are a gift sent directly from Heaven. I wear the same crappy work clothes, combine them with straight hair and BAM, everyone goes mental.

I don't really know how to straighten it properly - I just squirt some straightening stuff onto it and use one of those wet-to-dry straighteners and it seems to work. I was sceptical about those GHD straighteners until a girl at work bought one and went from Frizzy to WOAH.

Oh my God. I feel like such a girl.

As for clothes, it's all well and good trying to go with the latest fashion but you're always going to look your best in clothes that you're comfortable with. If I put on a flowy skirt, I end up staring at it and yanking at it all day and looking awkward, because it's not me. So I don't think you should try and change yourself too radically.

Well, that's what I think, and thus concludes my novel.

(I love my trackydacks.)

Matty said...

A quick question from my psych days. Did you grow up with one sibling (either sex) who was generally favoured as the "good looking" one, that that was their specific strength?

Did you find yourself "not making an effort to be beautiful", whether or not you were attractive yourself?

It may or may not have been a competitive sibling rivalry that led you to unconsciously withdraw from the "attractive" race - it may have simply been your family deciding that one sibling was the "attractive" one, one was the "booksmarts" one, one was the "sporting" one, and as kids we adopt that persona even if they don't really fit us.

Anyway, I don't know a fig about ya, Enny, and I don't know if it helps, but this sort of stuff is well documented. Read with interest / ignore ramblings of someone's slow day at work :)

DelightfulJen said...

Enny, as a girly girl, this fills my heart with joy.

Firstly realise you don't have to stop doing and wearing the things you like in order to become less plain jane. If you start wearing dressed up clothes or a full face of make up every day, you will just hate yourself because it won't feel like you.

I agree with Martie, a tinted moisturiser is a nice way to look a little bit "done" without that trowelled on look. Nivea Visage do a nice one, if your normal to pale-ish skin toned. It's only a cheap one and you can get it at places like Target. Lipgloss is also very easy, it's not hard to get used to always putting it on.

Enny, I am fairly sure we've talked about your hair before. Wear it out occasionally, or for something crazy go shorter so it's easier to style. You can always get a sea salt type spray which will make your hair go slightly wavy. If you have puffy hair get some Frizz Ease Serum from John Freida, it will change your life, he is my God.

As for dress sense, don't buy Cleo or Cosmo for inspiration. I personally think most of the outfits there look like they've come from diving in the St Vinnie's bin. Look on websites like Cue, Witchery, Sussan, Jag, Sportsgirl, Colorado etc to get a feel for the style you'd like to work towards, and start from there.

If you start making baby steps like putting on a tinted moisturiser each morning, or making an effort to wear one cute item each day it won't be an effort.

I could talk for days about this so if you ever want to hear more, you know wehere to find me :)

Susanne said...

Oooh, tough one. I'm on a quest to take more care of my appearance now that I've broken up with the boy and all. And surprisingly, it does make me feel better.

Try these guys for some tips on style:

My recommendation is to just be yourself, but just take a bit more care than you usually do, and maybe get some new clothes.

Enny said...

Oh wow - am I ever feeling the love!

martie - sounds good and simple enough, now for vegan products? ;o) Perhaps I'm doomed to turn into a wild-eyed crazy hippy yet... Also (lamely) can you tell me what lounge pants are? I will start looking out for dressier (vegan) shoes - and stop fearing a little bit of heel!

gbe - i have THREE straighteners! NONE of which are wet-to-dry tho - the two main issues would be that I'm a nightly hairwasher AND I don't have much patience/skill to make it look good - perhaps I should look into buying a (fourth!) proper new one? At the moment a lot of the stuff I'm wearing makes me feel a lil uncomfortable, hence the whole diet blog thing - I do think that making an effort to 'look' better will help me want to 'look' better, you know what I mean? Plus I'll hopefully HAVE to buy a whole new wardrobe if slimmer AND warmer!!!

matty - whooOoh - getting deep! I don't know about the sibling - I have 3 younger brothers - but I WOULD agree there is some 'history' of that through school - I was 'the funny one' due to my lack of physical 'strengths' (plus social retardness!), as well as not being 'cool' potentially leading me to strongly dislike the girly-girly-dressed-up-made-up-type girls in those cliques... and perhaps being raised as a bit of a tomboy (see brothers:three) also had something to do with it..?!

d'jen - you're my a fount(ain) of knowledge! I don't think I could EVER be one of those ppl with a face full of makeup, but some easy basics do sound like the way to go - and if they start making me feel better then I'm more likely to keep it up! The frizz ease serum (or alternative) sounds along my alley - I do have a bit of a wave in my hair, but it kinda kicks out in the wrong places rather than sitting 'just so'. Baby steps and cute I like - I just need to find a bunch of things in a style that I like, rather than buying stuff just because it's on sale or cheap - I'm gonna have a look at those sites and see what I can find - thankyou!

susanne - straighforward and simple - me likey! Sounds like new clothes definately part of the equation...

DelightfulJen said...

Enny, I know I sound like I'm being paid, but beware of Frizz Ease alternatives.

My hair is really fine, but most other frizz serums don't work as well as proper John Frieda Frizz Ease serum, even on my baby hair. My hair is wavy in parts and curly in others, and real Frizz Ease is the only thing which gets it looking cute as opposed to weirdly fluffy. You seriously only need two drops, so it will last forever.

Enny said...

d'jen - ah - but I can't - it's not vegan ;o)
How 'bout:
(and I really appreciate all the effort you're going to for me!)

Halliwell said...

Just go with comfort around the home, You don't have to display yourself to others and your guy won't care.
When you go out take some pride in your appearance and wear what you wear with confidence. It's too early to tell what the fashions are..
Go with black if your feeling bloated, it doesn't create shadows and all that stuff, plus black is the 'new' black.
as for hair etc i don't know pick a look and go with it, maybe go natalie portman in v for vendetta with the shaved head..

DelightfulJen said...


Fear not, I sussed out a couple more options (which as far as I can understand, do not test on animals and have been mentioned as being vegan friendly)

TIGI - Control Freak: You can buy the shampoo, conditioner and serum. They come in big bottles and the serum is light green and sparkly. I've used it before for a little bit in between Frizz Ease, and it's a fairly good substitute.

And it had sparkles, whats not to like? (P.S you won't look like a Year 7 going to a school social, it doesn't make your hair look glittery)

Aveda: I have only used Shampure Shampoo and Conditioner, but the smell and quality of thoses product alone would be enough to swap my first born child for a lifetime supply of Aveda. It's rather pricey, but you'll feel SO awesome after smelling it.

I'd try "Hang Straight" for a straightening serum with frizz relaxer and "Brilliant Universla Styling Creme" as something to run through your hair to make it look a bit more styled

TJ said...

Couple of things:

Don't go overboard. Pick a feature you particularly like about yourself, and concentrate on that. If you have nice eyes, make them the focal point (mascara is your FRIEND! Never underestimate what a difference it makes). If you have well-shaped or full lips, gloss 'em up. Don't do too much at a time though.

Practice at home, with all sorts of variations and combinations, until you find one that suits you. Failing that, have a girly make-over party and let people go to town on you. A neutral party with a critical eye is the way to go.

Pink/purple shades of lippy or gloss make your teeth automatically look yellower, so whiten them or go for more of an orange/brown tint.

Careful of wet-to-dry straighteners. They can be very damaging to your hair.

Eyebrows are really, REALLY important. They frame your face. Worst mistake you can make is to over pluck them, or let them crawl across your face like hairy slugs. Get them professionally done (or give me an email and I'll come over and sort them out. :) Trust me...)

Most importantly of all though - just be comfortable. A lesson I've learned over the years is that people will respect you more if you can carry off casual and comfortable well, rather than teetering around in over-sized heels and tugging at push-up bra underwires that are trying to penetrate your sternum.

Observe if you go to a party or go clubbing - the chick who looks happy and healthy in jeans and a bonds t-shirt will have far more people flocking to her than the binty little starlet lurching along on stilts with her gussets on show.

If you're smiling and comfortable, it means you're confident. Confidence is sexy.

Rom said...

All I can say is lip gloss. Love the stuff, never wear any make-up but lip gloss and the colours you can get are awesome! Something that can be a little darker than your normal liptone will make you look like you've gone and done some creative/clever/subtle things with foundation and stuff, when really all you've done is slap on some ol' glossy stuff that moisterises those smackers at the same time. See, win win!

And as for clothes. I'm a Colorado clothes horse, casual but pretty comfy and a notch up from the ol' trackydaks and sweaters that are my friends. Colorado even have clothing that fits pregnant people like me!

Adam said...

Whoa! This is the funnest ever!

I reckon a nice pair of jeans makes a really big difference and there isn't a piece of clothing more versitile. The most important piece of advice I have is that fit is everything. The cheapest thing can look awesome or the most expensive thing can look hideous if it doesn't fit well. I don't really enjoy shopping but when I do I go in, take over all the sales clerks and get them to dress me in outfits.. then take home what I like.

The other thing is go to coffee somewhere where people you think are attractive hang out and totally people watch. See which girls look nice and which don't and any outfit combinations you like. Even take a pen and paper to list ideas. I don't think Magazines are very accurate to what looks cool now and sales people tend to look crazy sometimes because they can only wear stuff from the store but people watching will give you the biggest clues.

P.S) I'm not a girl, but I'm totally going through the same thing right about now.

Enny said...

Awww - you guys!!! *beam*

halliwell - I think the main reason that it got brought up is because I DO dress for comfort at home and we don't actually 'go out' together that much - perhaps that's the real issue?! ps n'po = hott!

d'jen - It is my promise to you that I will research these products and seek them out - you definately sound like you know what you're talking about!

tj (of the imaccaulate brow!) - I've got black eyelashes, but I think I might give the mascara a go - God knows I've got enough of them laying about the place! As part of the bridesmaids thing, we're having a 'makeup' party, so I'm thinking that it could be more helpful than I initially realised - and you'll be pleased to know I actually got my brows 'did' like two months ago and I have been very good with keeping them tidy - I'm considering buying one of those mega magnify mirrors after became obsessed with the one in the hotel bathroom when I went to that conference a while ago. I think I mentioned before that 'comfortable' is something that I want to be - hence that dieting atm - as confidence improves, time spent tugging clothing around should proportionately decrease... and I'm definately gonna keep my eyes more open to what people are wearing!

rom - I seem to hear an overwhelming yelp of support for lipgloss, so I'm thinking that's gonna def be my first stop. And it must feel awesome to still be able to wear/buy the stuff you like!!!

adam - *sqeeals GIRL PARTY!!!* You know, one of the most expensive things I own that also draws the most compliments from The Hun is the ONLY pair of jeans I've ever bought full price as Stocks! That's good advice about the salespeople too - sometimes I think I kid myself that something looks good because the price is right, not jus because, y'know, it looks good. I'm thinking that I'm def gonna give the ppl watching thing a go (ANY CANBERRANS HAVE SUGGESTIONS FOR WHERE THE BEAUTIFUL PPL ARE?!) And I'm so glad you enjoyed your time here =o)

Halliwell said...

By go out i mean go to clubs or out for dinner, etc...
Tell me about it Nat Portman GGRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!! I'd do her AGAIN.. ;)

Halliwell said...

I know u could have the girl's over for one of "those" slumber parties where u have pillow fights in your underwear and talk about boyz and talk about sexualy stuff............WOOT
when they come over see what they are wearing(or not) and converse with them..
P.S. can i come too???

M said...

mascara - just do that, everyday - no excuses. It'll grow from there.


go to napoleon cosmetics. I think you can still get a makeover for 50 bucks or something BUT at the end you have the option of either walking out OR using that 50 bucks to buy cosmetics (if you like the look). Pretty cool, and you can get some tips while you're at it.

Enny said...

halliwell - ah huh. Dream on, dream brother.

M - that's it. I WILL DO IT TOMORROW (wear mascara)!!!!

Adam said...


Enny said...

adam - AM I EVER!!!