Wednesday, June 21, 2006

This is our last goodbye

Dear Tiffany,

I'm sorry the time came for us to part.

It all happened so fast.

I've been so used to just having you there - no matter where I was or what I was doing, I knew you'd be there - almost looking over my shoulder. Two peas in a pod.

But then you started to change - aspects and dimensions of you started to change - almost out of nowhere. And I was instantly wary - I'd seen changes in others before - why? What caused you to grow further away from me? I may never be sure.

So I booked us an appointment to see what we could do about the change in us, but there was no other option. We coudln't keep living like we were - something had to be done.

This afternoon was stressful - I knew we needed to part company, but a large part of me didn't want to go through the pain. And in retrospect - the time spent thinking about it was worse than actually doing it.

And as I lay on my side, feeling the weight of a body against me, hearing the breath in my ear - I closed my eyes and tried not to think about you, about the pain. This was it. It would never be the same again.

It could feel you drifting further away from me, but not really feel anything at the same time. I was numb.

And as I walked back to my car, shaking, there were no tears - just the realisation that the right thing had been done.

And now? The pain is starting to set in - the smallest movements and thoughts bring sharply to my attention that you are no longer there.

And I'm sure in the near future I'll reach out for you and only find an empty space - and I dread to think of the pain that will follow.

I really do feel like I've lost a part of me - without you here, a part of me missing. And I don't know when i'll feel whole again.



ChickyBabe said...

Nicely done, Enny. I hope you're not in too much pain.

Enny said...

Why thankyou CB - I was wondering if it were necessary to point out what it was all about and that it was intended as light hearted...!

Matty said...

Enny, let me know if you start having personality changes after the operation - maybe Tiffany was the "real" Enny, mmm?

Or crave bananas. You're craving bananas aren't you? Nice sweet bananas.

Enny said...

matty - now that you mention it - I DO feel like a banana... and my personality HAS also changed somewhat - I've got a sore throat, headache, itchy nose, manky grotty hair and a grouchy outlook...