Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Warts and all


Three trips to the doctor in two days, anyone?

I'd had a wart on my foot for years... and in recent years two more had appeared. I became particularly self-consious of my foot at martial arts camp, when I realised that while sitting cross legged, my senior would be able to see the cluster up at the top of the ball of my foot. Also that on the rare occurance I took the class through warm-up, they'd notice them too.

When I was younger and visited the doctor with a plantar wart, we were advised to lucoplast banana peel to it - suprisingly, this worked rather well (though it died it didn't fall out until my cousin accidentally scratched it out whilst crawling behind me). Middle bro succesfully used nail polish and duct tape to suffocate his, but I figured that as my curse was more than a few years old, it was too happy to be shifted in such a remedial manner.

I visited the doctor twice late last year to get the warts frozen off. Both times I limped away thinking they were succesfully removed - both times I was dissapointed. A trip to the chemist resulted in a cream to be applied directly to the wart - ignoring a few minor directions (only use it for two weeks *cough*3.5 weeks*cough* and one wart at a time *cough*three*cough* *cough*and cutting at it with scissors*cough*) I was 'suprised' at getting an infection that left me unable to bend or straighten by big toe or put any pressure on my foot.

"Take these antibiotics, leave it for two weeks then come back and get them frozen again." stated yet another doctor.
"But I've had them frozen twice already!"
"Well, some of them take five or six or seven goes to die..."
"But I read that they can just be burnt out?" (The Hun's mum looked it up in her medical book)
"Well - we don't recomend that as it's far too intrusive... and there's only one doctor here who will do it... and he's very busy at the moment..."
"Hrm, ok... thanks."

Five minutes later I was back at my desk requesting a 'have a look' appt with the busy doctor for two weeks time, and another 'burn em out' appt for as close after that as I could (Thursday 15th and Monday 19th respectively).

Well - it's Tuesday, so you know what that means!

Monday morning I nervously shuffled off to my appointment. May I say that having a local anaesthetic poked through the calloused ball of my foot to quite some depth three times is THE MOST PAINFUL AND UNCOMFORTABLE THING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED (Tattoo? Check. Stitches in forheard? Check. Stitches in open wound from can opener? Check. etc). "Well, I said it would be uncomfortable, but I didn't tell you quite how uncomfortable it would be..."

And then? A plate thing was put under my calf to stop the electric current - yup - electric. He then used electricity and wire to burn them out. No pain, but I will say that the smell was somewhat unique.

Ten minutes later and I was back at work - shaky and sweaty. I handed the certificate over to my boss and said that although they'd said I'd be fine straight after, I might go home and put my foot up - he readily agreed and sent me on my pasty way. On my way out the door, I stopped in to tell my old boss that I was leaving and was greeted with points and gasps that my foot was bleeding... out of the bandages, all over my foot and ruining my shoe. At this stage it was still numb and I was more concerned with how shaky I was and how hot and clammy I felt and hadn't noticed. So back to the doctor with a squeak to the receptionist ("um, excuse me, I'm meant to keep this bandage on for a week but it's covered with blood and has ruined my shoe...") and I was back on the same bed for a rewrap.

I hate doing the whole coedine talk - I told the nurse I'd go straight home after popping into the chemist (my fear of pain is harsher than actual pain) and she managed to 'find some' there for me so that I could get home and put my foot up immediately. I always get super anxious about looking like a junkie when it comes to drugs - I know I'm the least likely candidate for drug addiction, but I cringe to think of the way I reached for the drugs before she'd finished explaining the risk.

Anyways, I spend the evening with my foot wrapped up double-smart, wondering what on earth I was going to wear on that foot what was so thickly bandaged I couldn't possibly fit it into anything. And work this morning was fine - I managed to find one of those massagey thongs that had velro over the top to strap on, though it doesn't mean it stayed on (as I can't/won't curl my toes). After a trip to the shops at lunch I settled down to relax a bit as I felt a little warm and was worried I could feel a pulse in the ball of my foot - a quick nip under the desk confirmed that something was once again leaking through the bandage.

A trip back to the doctor and ANOTHER afternoon off, I have my foot wrapped up in a heavy duty strapping bandage. Still no crutches or advice other than to 'keep doing what I'm doing" and only one coedine left - I'm a little worried about when the pain will kick in.

And I can tell you that you will be suitably disgusted with an 'after' pic - I sneaked a look today while it was being rewrapped... for all you omni's out there - imagine cutting into a side of pork - white, white skin at the top and the deepest darkest ruby red at the bottom of two cubes that have just been sectioned out.

Roast pork anyone?


Jennifer said...

Pork is gross to look at when it's actually pork, I will be skipping the "after" pics.

The whole ordeal really sounds entirely unplesant, being the massive sissy girl that I am, I would be forced to faint every time the blood leaked through the bandage.

You are so brave Enny, I hope the healing goes well!!

RandomGit said...

I've had both big toes operated on for ingrown toenails. I've been through this before as well. The anaesthetic itself hurts when it flows into your veins. Like a flowing cramp and pinch with the force of a charging elephant.

One doctor used a knife, took ages to heal. The next doctor (same toe) used the electric insta-flesh eater and that healed the best. The last one use a knife as well and that didn't work so well either.

Are you on anti-biotics Enny? I'll be really surprised if you are not. Considering it's dirt central down there you really should be on some. Heck, you really should be taking awhole day off with your feet up on some pillows watching TV in bed.

Seriously, there are no prizes for suffering. Take care of yourself.

Amanda said...

ahh, so many visits to the dr... i have one and I automatically think I can't go back for at least another year!

Hope the healing goes well Enny, I agree, you should take lots of time of work to rest, put your foot up, and watch repeats of Dr Phil/Oprah/Insert antoher dodgy day time TV show here.

Adam said...

MMM.... roast pork. Grouse, I'll totally have some of that.

Thanks for going through all that pain for some mighty fine blogfodder. You're so good to us!

Enny said...

d'jen - If I was IT enough I'd work out how to do those posts where you can 'click for more of post'! The Hun's sister faints at needles - Monday was the first time I understood why!

r'git - I can't say I felt the flow, only the deep stabbing... No - no antibiotics suprisingly! I've technically had two afternoons off for it and yet to have any pain, it's totally bandaged up, tho both I and one of the ladies 'over the wall' have rewrapped it this last time - the 'on skin' and 'next to on skin' bandages weren't done too well and there was a gap where dirt could get in!

amanda - I WISH I was that way - cheaper!!! And if I can get more time off for it, you can bet your sweet bippy I will! I keep it raised under my desk at work and every chance I can.


Adam said...


Have you considered a career in menu writing? I think you have a gift.

Mars said...


and ew.

and ew some more.

Enny said...

adam - 'finest choice cut of foot flame seared... etc'

mars - stay tuned - it's not as bad looking as it was...