'I lied about being the outdoor type'

I can't remember who sung that song, or even how it goes (other than the chours that goes 'I lied about being, the out-door-type').

ANYWAYS.

As you proddly already know, my 'sport' of choice is martial arts (quote-sport-quote as it's oft quoted "it's not a sport, it's a lifestyle"). This has worked well for me thus far (over 16 years of thus-farness) as I never really tried anything else when I was younger.

Let me regale you with this itty-bitty-ditty: in year six, the 'cool' teacher took us out to the oval to play rugby. "Who doesn't know how to play rugby?" she quipped, and a lone (daggy) EnnyPen was the only person to put up their hand. I can't remember what happened next, but it mustn't've involved me shouting 'just kidding' and scoring the winning goal (score? try?) as I've only started learning the basics from a watching perspective this year. Age 23. Year 18 equivalent.

This has meant I never learnt the rules of many 'well known' games - Rugby, AFL, Netball, Cricket, Soccer etc. It also means I never developed any hand-eye coordination, any throwing or catching skills or any 'team player' skills.

Nayways, martial arts is not a team sport. If you get tired, or puffed, or corked, you jus gotta keep on going. You don't get to call 'interchange' and swap with someone of the same gender thats just standing around swilling water.

If you get your weapon to the target, then good on you. It doesn't matter which way the 'target' bounces across the oval (or to the opposing team) to the dismayed looks of your teammates.

You are given gradings or tests to justify what skill level you are at as an individual. You are not just put at a level according to the roughly general skill level of you combined with 8 other people.

You get taught the combinations - they are definable, they make sense, and just showing a basic grasp of what you should be doing is usually enough to at least pass you at a grading. You do not just get chucked onto the field with the 8 others and have to kind of guess your way through 40 minutes of huffing and puffing, stumbling and mumbling, kicking and missing, and shouting and pouting.

You guessed it. EnnyPen (the uncoordinated, unfit, non-team player who hates sport remo) is playing mixed soccer in the top division.

And this is where you all need to listen up.

You at the back - shhhhh!

Listen.

Jus because a friend asked you nicely to play and you spent $80 on soccer boots last year to play a game that you hate and don't understand for 8 weeks over summer, does not mean that you have to play again.

Now that you've learnt your lesson, please repeat the above paragraph to me next year when she askes me play for the third year in a row?

Thankyou et al.