Sunday, March 04, 2007

Hens Night

Last night was Magf's Hens Night.

Organising this party made me realise that I don't want to have a Hen's party - 32 people were invited, 13 people responded with yes, 13 responded with no and 6 people didn't even reply. So many people don't even bother to reply or even attend, and then there's always the other people who pike later on or whatever - more trouble than it's worth! Just another night that you have all these expectations on that will never be as good as you hoped... not that it was a totally sh!t night anyway!

I picked her up to take to the Pole Dancing class and we were expecting 3 people to watch and 9 people to dance... only to find one girl was sick and stayed home, one had pulled her neck muscle and one had had a mole removed so we ended up with 7 dancers and 5 watchers.

I knew that I wasn't going to enjoy the dancing and I was totally right - if there hadn't been so many people watching already, I woulda done the watching thing. I only knew Magf and one of our martial arts students, so I felt reaaaaaally self conscious - and I'm too self conscious at the 'best' of times. I stopped participating halfway through, because I couldn't get the whole spinning thing to work - I didn't shift my weight properly, didn't move my hips in the right way and gripped too hard or not hard enough (did you know that the poles actually spin in the ground?! Neither did I!). I just don't think I'm the type of person who is ever going to enjoy faux humping a pole while squatting, flicking my hair around (I always wear my hair up) or using my cellulite to hold my up as I wrap around a pole... Either way - Magf had a good time:

(yeah - they had costumes to wear over our normal clothes at one of the guests insistance!)

After that we headed out to Turkish (the same place we took Desci and Bob a fortnight ago!) and I ate soooo much. Mental note - explain that when you want falaffel and hummus for a main, you don't want TWO mains - I only ate 1.5 falaffel due to all that bread! Here's Magf, myself and another senior from the school:

(I didn't know I'd been outside enough to get tanlines and I MUST learn to tilt sideways in photos to shrink down those shoulders! )

Everyone was meant to wear pink, but I couldn't find anything pink at home so I headed out to the shop with my old boss on Thursday - that top I'm wearing is actually a dress - guess how much it cost?! I'll tell you! $29.95 for one, or $25 for two (in el-cheapo Sisco), so it was only $12.50! Bargain. Also - see that glass in front of me? Brown Brothers Moscato - GO AND GET SOME NOW!

At dinner there was a bit of downer that started to wind the whole night down - the girl that had pulled the neck muscle is a bit of a high stress drama and was sitting holding her chest during dinner. The girl next to her asked if she was ok and neckgirl replied that she was having heart palpitations - when the girl asked if this was normal, neckgirl replied that it was, but not usually for this long. Because neck girl was sitting with her eyes closed, one hand over her heard and one hand over her mouth (seemingly holding any spew back), conversation started to lull at the table and everyone watched on tentatively. This was proddly the worst thing to do as she started to get even worse and it started to get faster and stay longer, so another girl helped her to the bathroom - she kinda staggered and stumbled there with her friend supporting her. Next thing we new? An ambulance shows up. The staff had laid her down in the bathroom and then she had pains down her right arm, her fingers and hands wouldn't move as they had stiffened up and she was bawling. Anxiety attack. They moved her outside after about half an hour and she sat with the ambos outside for close to an hour - the mood died down a bit, obviously.

So, we fitted Magf out in the gear we picked up from Fyshwick the other week:

(The flashing penis is magentised onto a metal penis badge... all class)

It was at this point I starting feeling my internal monologue kick in - I'm too old for Civic. However, that would then mean that I'm also too old to eat soy ice cream for lunch or salty chips in bed at 2am just because The Hun is away, so it should maybe be that I was too sober for Civic (being dessi and all).

We headed out to the new Uni Pub (not to be confused with either of the Uni Bars in Canberra) and it wasn't too bad it - it has 4 levels open with one more to go - There's a clubby one on the ground floor, a grill house that was closed, a pool floor that was playing 'Roxanne' so we hightailed it) and then an 'executive' floor that requires collars and was hosting a private function. We sat in there for a few hours and the 3 girls (including Magf - isn't that poor?!) that made it to Civic sat on the couches and had a few drinks and only got hassled by a dood once (who was toooooooo drunk and got removed shortly after). I also got a 'nice stick on bear' by some old dood (all the people at dinner got bride beanie bears to pin on to their tops) but I told him it was a Hens Night and continued staring straight ahead.

There was another hens night in there as well - and their Hen handcuffed herself to some guy from the private function and took him into the lift and disappeared for like 20 minutes. Now that is so totally wrong - I don't understand these people who are about to get married and decided that all of a sudden hooking up with someone isn't cheating... it makes me so mad! She was yucky anyways... mebbe hence the handcuffs? It also shocked me how nonplussed her gaggle of hens was about it - I knew that one of them there was to be the sister in law - I'd be SPEWING!

Anyways, we looked for somewhere to dance but the buzz still hadn't come back from dinner (not so much out of worry, I think that ppl were just pissed she done the drama act) and we headed to the convenience shop for something for the drive home (I wanted caffeine and salty chips, Magf a sausage roll). In there another oldish dude said to me "I've never seen a pink dress look so good". Can I say - I thought that was lovely. Not in a "OMG LETS PASH" lovely, but in that I'd felt totally awkward on the poles, stayed sober for the drinking (after the wine at dinner) and watched one of the other two girls talk to about 20 guys that night - it was nice to hear someone say something like that (it didn't sound like a come on that was actually meant to go anywhere, so I took it as a compliment).

Anyways - that was the Hens Night! I'd biasedly say it was the most successful of the three I've been to, but I still don't think I ever want one of my own.


Jennifer said...

I also REALLY don't want a Hen's party. Well, I do, but more of a Ladies Lunch (albeit a very long, very drunk one) none of this mini veil, feather boa, trashbag stuff.

I've never been to one, and unless it was for a really good friend I don't think I could bear to, you are SUCH a wonderful friend for doing pole dancing classes!

P.S Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you sneak out and seemingly bed another guy on your Hen's night, isn't that still cheating? You might not be married, but I would still be pretty devasated if my partner did that to me, even more so if it was the night before our wedding.

martie said...

I think your shoulders are lovely.

RandomGit said...

The hen is a cheater, it's a clear cut situation.

You have nothing outward to be self-conscious about enny. Even old dude in the convenience store knows it. :)

Teej Mahal said...

Foo and I saw a trainwreck of a hen's party heading out on Saturday night. A red and black theme, and they were all the size of Mack trucks. Shrill drunk Mack Trucks.

I've often wondered if, when two Hens meet in public, they have to battle it out until there is only one. You know, like Highlander, only with flashing penis toys and veils.

Enny said...

d'jen - ladies lunch sounds good - had we been able to just go to a long dinner it would have been awesome - no pressure for these ppl to pike early - they could just relax and not have to worry about going drinking and dancing with 18yo lollipop heads... EXACTLY! IT'S STILL CHEATING! NO DIFFERENT TO ANY OTHER NIGHT!!!

martie - why thankyou!

randomgit - so why don't these other people realise it?!

TJ - they weren't wearing black tshirts with writing on and a giant smiley balloon? Coz they sat next to us then followed Magf to the bathroom and yelled at her to hurry up when she came out - "I NEED TO PISS" she abomination yelled at her.

Funnilly enough, with the exception of the abomination, there is a lot of 'Congratulations' and 'When is the big day' from everyone! Like some bizaarre secret club...

Halliwell said...

I think the 2 tone effect u got going on makes ur shoulder girth seem larger than usual.
U must have drunk for once, a smile that big is only caused by 2 things alcohol and what a guy does between the sheets.

Enny said...

halliwell - not makin me feel any better there, mister halliwell!

Adam said...

We used to have a big gang of dudes who'd hang out on a Saturday night and one of the dudes was known for sleeping with anyone. Anywho, one Sat night he too was handcuffed to a hen and when he came back told us that he sexed her in the male toilets next to dudes peeing. I imagine it was totally unprotected and Business Done, they went their seperate ways. All the other dudes in our gang were like 'yeah', 'good work' but I felt completely sick to my stomach... for so many reasons.

Amanda said...

Hen totally cheated. That's so wrong.

I have absolutely no intentions of ever having a hens night, assuming I decide to get married. For one, at the moment I plan to have my brother as my maid of honour (he hasn't been told of this plan), so I don't think he'd appreciate a night of stupid veils and flashing penises. In fact, I might not even invite him to the hens thing, is that wrong?

There will be food involved, be it a long long long lunch, or dinner. There will be no veil, and no stupid anything, damnit. I just don't know what possesses normally sensible people to behave so horribly!

Enny said...

adam - I'm glad! Not that you were nauseous, but that there are still decent (and lovely) people who don't think that this sorta stuff is excusable.

amanda - can I come?! I think it's just important to have your nearest and dearest with you on the day - there's nothing you can do on a Hens Day that you can't do after you're married!

Amanda said...

Of course you can come. I'll be sure to give you a lot of warning so that you can plan the flights etc.

Enny said...

amanda - why thankyou!

Mae said...

I'm not really sure how I got to this page (Google works in mysterious ways!), but thanks for the very entertaining read :)

Enny said...

mae - my pleasure! Have you tried it?

Mae said...

Hen's nights - no (I'm not a fan of the trashy stuff either). Pole dancing - yes... it's lots of fun! Pity I'm so damn uncoordinated! :(

Enny said...

mae - ah ok - I was worried perhaps you'd attended the same one! The uncoordination is a big problem for me too ;o)

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