Wednesday, January 10, 2007

The wonderful mystery box

Anyways, I do apologise for the LG15 talk below - you may have been able to see through my plot to keep the links somewhere other than in my Mozilla tabs to keep things tidy. Also, I can't promise that you'll find this any more rivotting.

When it comes to ladies bathrooms, everyone has their favourite. At work, I'm a third from the end kinda gal - my old boss favours the one on the end even after I told her how the toilet furthest from the door is always germiest as it's the most used toilet (in all ladies toilets apparantly, though at our work it also seems to be the favoured one for stanking it up) but she has issues with using the cubicle closest to the door as it's the one favoured by our special staff (special as in it's the one where the murmering, singing and slurping comes from, where the toilet roll holder has been snapped off the wall, and where ladies have been found doing their business with the door not only unlocked but sitting wide open. This does not a lovely welcome make as it's the first cubicle you see by default in the mirror reflection and no amount of them singing 'so-rry' while doing there business is ever going to make it ok). My third from the end status also means that I don't mind (as much) going into the bathroom at the same time as her as I always know where she's going to be and I can relax in the fact there won't be any awkward there's-someone-too-close-and-I-can't-totally-relax type nonsense.

For a few months now (not an exageration, though I wish I'd marked the start date in my organiser) my cubicle has had (another!) special guest - the mystery pube. The mystery pube is curly like a signature and attached the wall, starting about ten centimetres from the gap. I often fall deep in though while gazing at mystery pube - How long have you been here? Who do you belong to? How did you get there? Did they put you there on purpose? Who works here that lets their pubes get so long? How many other people have noticed you? Who can I tell about you without coming off as seven kinds of freaky? Why hasn't the cleaner wiped you off? HOW MANY GERMS AM I IN THIS CONFINED SPACE WITH?

Today there was another new guest - a daddy longlegs (who's your daddy? he isn't!). At first I was startled and moved to make the switch to another cubicle, but decided I'd already shared it with person DNA, I guess a spider is no different. I was worried at first that someone would see him and squish him, then realised I was in the ladies room and they were more likely to squeal and switch then make an attack. Then I thought maybe I should move him outside, but figured the grief I get from security for bringing my futurama freezer bag full of lunch every day doesn't need to be amped up once they see me squealing outside holding an upside down cup over an envelope (I'm all for saving them, doesn't mean I like being the one doing it!). Then I thought maybe I should tell the cleaner so that he knows not to kill him - but seriously, what type of cleaner would move a spider that's had ample opportunity to remove a more offensive item from the same stall!

The race is on - who will outwit, outplay and outlast the other? So far it's a bit of tie (I've had more than half a dozen opportunities to keep track of how they're going due to the detox thing - I've already drunk more than 2.5 litres of water at work today!) as both are still there.

Hrm, it's starting to get kinda crowded...

18 comments:

Amanda said...

I once sent a message to all my flat mates warning them against killing the spider (who I named Simon), that was inhabiting our shower.

Funnily enough, next time I went in there, it was gone. I don't think you should draw anyone's attention to it... it could signal the beginning of the end.

Enny said...

amanda - people can be b!tches like that, can't they?! I think I'll keep it tween me and him and the mystery pube.

Deb said...

I just about fell off my chair laughing at the mystery pube and your musings while staring at it (I supposed theres nothing really else to occupy yourself with in the stalls). Very funny stuff!

spiders freak me out at the best of times, but I suppose I can handle daddy long legs... anything else sends me screaming for the hills, but even then I couldnt bear to shall a loo stall with one. You just never know what could happen!

I'm waiting with bated breath for the outcome! (my bet is on the mystery pube, especially since it has already proved its phenominal staying power!)

Enny said...

deb - Hooray! Perhaps now you'll find one of your own to help you understand the universe! I figured he realised I'm bigger than him so isn't likely to attack - he hasn't got a nest or anything in the cubicle so it's not like he's got anything to protect... UNLESS HE'S ADOPTED THE MYSTERY PUBE! Who knows?!

I do think also that mystery pube will win, as he doesn't need to eat or drink or breath... however if he got near the mystery pube it'd proddly fall off... it's anyone's guess!

Anonymous said...

are you sure its a pube? maybe its a catepilla? i mean, how else would it get on the wall? God, i hope theres not someone at your work just randomly smearing their pubes everywhere...

EW EW EWWWWW!!!! mental pictures... EWWWWW! Damn you mystery pube!

deb

Jey said...

You have gendered mystery pube, as male?
Oh dear.

Adam said...

Enny, you are a fascinating young lady.

Enny said...

deb - oh no, it's DEFINATELY a hair of the pubic persuasion - and as it's the only one I've noticed (and I feel quite qualified as a pube spotter now) I'm pretty sure it was a one off.

jey - no no - the SPIDER is a he!

adam - right back atcha with gender inversed.

Halliwell said...

Taking the topic on a wild and gross tangent are you sure it's not an ass hair? just one wicked fart and it could get up there...

Iv'e missed sooo much in my absence, it'll take me ages to get back in touch.

Enny said...

halliwell - welcome back! where've you been?!

Jennifer said...

I must be getting braind dead lately, I read everyone's blogs and I forget to comment, then I come back to see if you've said anything and realise I never commented in the first place. Very Intelligent!

Well, as you know, you inspired me not to murder a spider today, so you should be feeling very glad you have inspired a massive act of kindness on my part. I don't recall ever having let a spider live, so the spider world is thanking you.

I also had a preferred cublicle at work, we only had two and I preferred the one closest to the door, it was just better than the identical one which was next to it, it had a better vibe.

Enny said...

d'jen - no need to apologise - I imagine all the kids are tiring you out (all that ovary aching must be taking it's toll!). I was so glad to read about your spider incident - hooray for you!!! And I'm sure there are plenty of other laydeez who understand your cubicle vibe =o)

M said...

okay, I have to admit - I am from the all spiders MUST DIE school of thought :P

Enny said...

m - awwww. Then I guess you might be happy with this next update:

Mystery Pube: 1
Spiper: 0

He's gaaAAaaawn!

Halliwell said...

YAY!! PUBIS MAXIMUS WANDEROUS beats the crappy spider.
In answer to ur question of where iv'e been.
Chasing some skirt all over Melbourne.
I had the worst date the other night, we were to go the Aquarium for some night show they have on.
We didn't end up going, I ended up just watching her get drunk with her room mate and his friends.

Enny said...

halliwell - I see - that doesn't sound like a fun night!

Adam said...

I miss the spider...

Come back daddy.

Enny said...

adam - I miss him too. But I figured my illegible handwriting would give me away if I grafiti'd a demand to know who removed him (if they could even read it in the first place!).