A note for the medically inept

If, by some random and completely IRONIC twist of fate, you have been very Very VERY careful not to do any excessive excercise (like your usual Friday Spin class or continuing daily circuit classes) in case you hurt yourself before the big day, yet stretch funny in bed as you wake up and tweak a muscle down your neck that gives you spasms and makes you a hazard on the road as you can't head check to your right; do NOT partake in copious amounts of Nurofen Extra Strength as unbeknownst to you it contains codeine and will make you feel hungover, drowsy, sunburtn and floaty when you really should be on the ball. It may also contribute to banging your supersexy zoomy-broomy ruff-tuff car over the curb in the Belco carpark, causing an incessant screeching to emanate endlessly from the back right wheel and the mechanics will purposely not make eye contact with you in case they have to help.

Update to come: whether having a-couple-o breezers to 'calm thee nerves' will have an impact on coedine use.

P.S - Thanx for the linkage C.B!

P.P.S - Your's hasn't gone unnoticed either, Stoody-stu-stu!!

Heh heh, Codeine and bacardi. Gigglish, much?

I'd never really noticed the importance of 'mates before dates' ...

{Deleted by the Author - sorry dudes!}

ENNY-PEN!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!YOU HAVE LIKE 40 HOURS UNTIL YOUR GRADING!! WHY ARE YOU DWELLING ON THIS CRAP???!!!

Oh yeah - any volunteers out there to do my grading for me? I've done the essays (which I just may post so you can all become learned) so you just have to do the oral exam. And break 10 boards. And entertain some 5th Dans for a couple of minutes with your non-existent stick twirling skills. And fight 3 people at once.

Anybody?!

Myeh. I'm stuffed anyway, not too much I can do at this time but dwell.

And now I forgot my point.

REMEMBER!!!

{Deleted by the Author - sorry dudes!}

Apologies for the verbal (typing?!) diarrohea* - my mind is scrambled with my acceptance of panic and gut-wrenching fear.

EnnyPen 101 - Week 2

A lot has changed since the last time I was sitting here - hitting the refectory at UC, smack bang in the middle of lunch.

There are lines to buy stuff to eat now. And less places to buy from. And they all seem that much healthier. Like now, I have gourmet foccacia with ham, sundried tomato, mustard, grilled asparagus and zuchini (yeah, I'll be pickin out the greens and proddly leaving them to sogify in the paper bag).

The don't have redeye here anymore - only super sweet trendy nothing-drinks like BS V and catpiss red bull.

I still like to sit a few rows from the back in my lectures, but now I'm the one glaring at the chatters and gigglers, rather than being one them. I sit alone and actually listen and ingest what the lecturer is saying, rather than mucking around all the way through and then whinging that he moves too fast. Next week I plan to pluck up the courage to use my laptop for notes, because one of the things that hasn't changed is the attrocity that is my handwriting (plus someone else was doing it today so I won't be the only one). I'm also doing the readings before the lectures are on.

Instead of sitting with my old gang, planning another big night out or trying to con Davebo out of becoming an Eccyhead or hanging out for my uni-boyf, I'm sitting alone in the corner with my lappy, listening to Adem on my iPod (I'm a student now, so I can finally justify purchasing one all those years ago) and blogging.

I'm a little more confident in tutorials, more willing to have a say, tho still just as unlikely to get it right. And I think I'm getting even more flustered when I talk out loud, and feel just as awkward sitting next to strangers (who are just as intimidating even though they're younger).

I've already been down to the bar - my old hangout - but I don't think I'll be venturing to the computer labs - I'm determined to become a library rat and not a labrat. The wireless connection is stronger there and less likely to produce flashbacks as I have only ever been there a handful of times in my life (I wonder if my EnnyPen loves Stupid-ex loveheart grafiti is still there?)

It's like I've been transported back in time as a watcher - seeing all the people just like I used to be and getting random pangs of memories and recognition.

I was expecting it to be a bit easier this time, and nowhere near as nostalgic.

Recap EnnyPens Big Week

Firstly - I <3 Tupperware.

I only had six people turn up - Mumsy, one of my aunties, two ex-housemates and two martial artists. It started luke-warm - we kept chatting and the lady kept trying to get us to stop. Much awkwardness ensued after playing an alphabet game - she holds up a letter from the alphabet and the first person to call out something that starts with that letter that we would take to QLD gets a point - after I had managed to call out the names of all my family members and some friends, that she was jovially insinuating I would need to take Condoms for the letter C. Disturbingly enough, Mumsy was the one laughing the hardest at the thought of me having sex with my brothers and father. Ick.

But that's not why I love Tupperware - my ignorance and stupidity got me one of these: She was showing me that if I sold $450 worth of stuff I could have it, I thought she was saying I got them anyways, and so I scammed myself an awex0me set'o'sclaes (RRP $48.45)

Telling my mum we had wine came in handy - she ordered closes to $200 worth of stuff, as did my aunty (both of who didn't even want to come), with my aunty also booking a party.

Small orders from the martial arts ladies got me $70 short of getting $175 worth of free stuff, until right at last the last minute I got $220 order from a friend in Sydney and managed to bribe an ex-housemate into booking a party, means I got all this stuff for free:

(Just the red one - RRP$23.95 - it has five diff compartments)

(RRP $27.95 - Did somebody say White Costello and Blue Brie?)

(RRP $34.95 - They fold down flat! Super Kawaii!)

(RRP $47.45 - one for everyday of the week and now I won't hafta get caught up in GladWrap!)

(RRP $33.95 - Completely sealed so I don't get casserole juice thru my bag again)

(RRP $14.45 - comfort eating jus ain't the same without fluffy mashed 'taters)

See?! I only hafta pay $7 bucks to get all that (plus the $50 I spent on food n drinks that we're still eating) and I also got a cute lil keyring that's the red and blue ball that you put the shapes in (EVERYONE had one when they were younger) and a few other bits and pieces as well as the scales that she should have taken back but I bit off the plastic that was sealing it (at Mumsys insistence).

Tupperware owns me.

Oh yeah, and the conference - less said about it the better I think! I had a room with a King size bed and a spa (no fun alone, and even less fun with nothing to read but a politics text book) and it was full of dirty old men (the conference, not the spa). They didn't have anything new to show us, the pissup dinner was a letdown (the '12th man' was there and I realised just how much I don't get cricket), but I did finish my essays for next weekend.

~FIN~

EnnyPens Big Day

WooOOOOoooh!

Firstly, Uni started today. I sat up last night organising my school bag, my new pens, my new book, my new folders, checking last minute schedules and being laughed at by The Hun for being so god-damned-nervous and whoring for acceptance.

I only had one lecture and it went for less than half an hour. And my lecturer is funny and nice and cute in a scruffy I'd-rather-be-teaching-but-then-I-wouldn't-get-Fridays-off kinda way. Nontheless, I was there an hour early to see about paying my bill, buying my text books and getting my *new* student card (thought it was bout time to update my old 2001 card)... however, I look like a hobo. I actually look homeless. And drugfucked. It must be the new haircut. And that I had my puffy fuck-its-cold-out jacket on. And was trying not to smile too much. Or tilt my head to the left.

The Hun says that's why The Big Issue guy seemed so friendly when I picked up a copy "You gotta look after your own" *sigh*.

AND I spent the day cleaning since I came home - EnnyPen is hosting Tupperware tonight! Yup, I've turned to the dark side - since attending one in my Week of Stupidity I fell in love with the free stuff and the lollies and booked my own. Proddly for the best - I needed to clean for the inspection on Thursday.

AND then tomorrow I'm off to the sunshine coast for a conference - hooray! However, I'll be doing essay stuff for most of it - booo! I do, however, plan to get totally tipsee on the Thursday night - hooray again!

I don't know how often I will be posting over the next week and a half or so - grading practice is in full swing, tho not entirely successfully (sneaky breaking practise last night has left me with a puffy elbow and bleeding knuckles and my training partner with bruised knuckles and a dull pain thru her wrist) for Saturday the 30th.

Fuck that's close.

FUCK.

Proud Mary Keep on Burnin'

When I was younger, my cousin (the Jellyfish look-alike) had a red Tina Turner wig. Granted, there's not too much you can do with except take turns wearing it and laughing (tho I have managed to get photos of 2 outta 3 of my brothers in drag wearing the wig), but it's a permanent fixture in a lot of my childhood memories:

' So what? It's ugly! It's not even funny looking!' you might be saying.

Yeah. I know. But I just got a haircut and foils and the first (and only) thing I'm thinking when I look at it is this:


(lovingly referred to on a wig site as the 'Rod Stewart' wig).

And due to the fact that I got blonde foils (explaining the pic above, even though I always end up with frizzled hair and a clear regrowth line) over my normally darkish-reddish-brownish hair, I now have the two tone Christine Aguilera hairstyle, like 3 years too late and 5 years too old:

And while I'm at it, here's another hint for the boys: If you girlfriend approaches you, looking pensive about her new 'stylez', don't tell her 'I think it looks ok, but you've definately had better haircuts'...

The one where EnnyPen should've just burnt a fifty dollar note

So. I went the doctor yesterday. I don't know WHY I keep going to this guy - proddly coz I been there since I was born and don't know any better and I'm a slow learner and I'm not good with change and last time I went to a different guy about one of 'those' lumps my mum went nuts and reeled off a list of terrifying things that have killed generations of my family that you don't really want to hear before 'lump' visits that I had to tell the new guy and proddly scared him off ever wanting to help me out again - but each time I go there I come aay not quite contented.

Here's what I got for $50:

EnnyPen: I have three questions
Doctor: Ok
EnnyPen: I was meant to come back and show you my hand
Doctor: That's right - how is it?
EnnyPen: It doesn't hurt, but it's weeks later and all these blisters have just started coming up for no reason at all
Doctor: Ah yes. You would probably be wondering why they are coming up for no reason at all
EnnyPen: ....
Doctor: ....
EnnyPen: Ok. Number two. My knees are always cracking and the lady at the gym won't do leg excercise with me coz it grosses her out.
Doctor: Yes?
EnnyPen: Will it cause arthritis or anything?
Doctor: I hope not!
EnnyPen: ....
Doctor: ....
EnnyPen: Number three. I need to get another script
Doctor: Go around the corner and get your top off - I have to check them first
EnnyPen: *cringe/blush*
Doctor: *feel/grope*
EnnyPen: Is it true the pill can cause weight gain, moodiness and decreased sex drive?
Doctor: Some can, your doesn't.
EnnyPen: *jokingly* Heh heh, so I can't blame it on that then?
Doctor: ....no....
EnnyPen: ....
Doctor: Come back in 4 months and I'll make you spread em while I poke around your insides with a brush Leave your Fiddy at the counter.
EnnyPen: *pout*

I think I got ripped.

Hint for the Boys

Sometimes, a girl just needs to sit down with a drink and have a bit of cry over nothing much at all, just to feel better.

Cheers.

Todays heralds the dawn of a new era

My spunky little Dell arrived this morning, amongst much hand clapping, shuffle dancing and giggling from yours truly, and some much deserved praise from the co-workers.

I can't tell you much about it, being totally technically inept, but it has 60 gig of something, 1 gig of something else, a dvd burner, wireless internet, a shiny widescreen and is silver with white trim. It also smells like new computer (a feat I thought attributable only to new cars) and I want to marry it (I'm sure he'd buy me flowers or do the shopping or
{Deleted by the Author - sorry dudes!}... but I think that's another post completely!).

The best bit of this (besides have the cutest lappy in the Conder House) is that I will be able to plug my camera in and store my photos on him. And my Martial Arts stuff. {Deleted by the Author - sorry dudes!}

Ooh! And now I have something to put into my fancy attache (ooh la la!) that I bought on the weekend.

*Enny does her own cheesecake dance*

Saturday Night Walla-lovely-wallabies

On the pretense of writing my martial arts essays, The Hun has gone back to The Parentses to be fed, mothered, oohed-and-aahed and watch the Wallabies (no mean spirit intended, his parents are total lovelies, hence he is a total lovely, hence he should be treated like a total lovely by total lovelies).

So I'm 'taking a break' from my INFURIATING essay writing for dinner and a bit of a perve at my Sweaty hunks of man-meat. Unfortunately I don't have magic camera-tv-USB-computer eyes, so I can't transmit what I'm seeing now nor any photos of the game (atm), so For Your Viewing Pleasure, here are some pics from when they thrashed other international teams in the last couple'o'weeks - enjoy!

*swoons*

English Bloggers:

Don't know how many and when will be updating, but figured it's best to hear it from the source...

London metblogs
Londonblog
Londonist
Mayor-of-london
Index of London Bloggers

I went spinning yesterday and thought it was the sickest I'd feel all week...

Until I got this in my inbox today....

(scroll)

(scroll)

(scrolly scroll scroll)

BLARGH!!

Isn't that the most disgusting - heart wrenching - disgusting - sad - disturbing - gross thing you've seen all year month week day? It looks like a deep-fried rat...

Quote:

"The owners of the other contestants in this year's World's Ugliest Dog Contest may have thought their pooches had a chance - until they saw Sam.

The 14-year-old pedigreed Chinese crested recently won the Sonoma-Marin Fair contest for the third consecutive time, and it's no surprise.

The tiny dog has no hair, if you don't count the yellowish-white tuft erupting from his head. His wrinkled brown skin is covered with splotches, a line of warts marches down his snout, his blind eyes are an alien, milky white and a fleshy flap of skin hangs from his withered neck. And then there's the Austin Powers teeth that jut at odd angles from his mouth.

He's so ugly even the judges recoiled when he was placed on the judging table, said his proud owner, Susie Lockheed, of Santa Barbara. "People are always horrified when I kiss him. He may turn into a prince yet. He's definitely a toad," she said. "I always thought he'd be great on greeting cards or on a commercial for Rogaine."

Sam, who's pushing 15, has something of a cult following after winning the contest - and fans' hearts - for three years running. Last year, huge crowds gathered around Sam and Lockheed at a local parade and Lockheed said she received letters and calls about her pup for weeks.

"So many people have told me they've got his picture on their refrigerator. He certainly has a little cult following," she said. "I did years of professional musical theater and never achieved the fame Sam has."

Sam will appear in this weekend's Fourth of July parade in Santa Barbara, but the recent events may be the cap on a long, ugly career. Lockheed says Sam's now suffering from congestive heart failure, lung and kidney problems and has definitely slowed down in his twilight years.

Still, he enjoys regular gourmet meals of sirloin steak, cheese balls, roasted chicken and flan (so he'll swallow his multiple pills). He also passes occasional weekends at the Gaviota ranch of Lockheed's boyfriend, where the World's Ugliest Dog rides in the back of an ATV with his few remaining hairs wafting in the wind."

.....

He eats cheese balls?
She kisses him?
People put his picture on their fridge?!
His owner has a boyfriend?




..






.....




!?o_0?!

*rendered speechless*

Dear Geneva

**********
Hi.

How are you?

I am good well fine.

Thanks for asking.

And thanks for getting your norks out at my desk today.

What?! You feel violated? You didn't know there were camera's in there?!

HAHAA Nice one girly-girl. You love it.

Hugs,
EnnyPen
**********

Let me point (heh heh, point) your attention to the flesh fest that is currently gracing SMH atm.

I logged onto SMH thus:



And saw this story thus:

Hmmm, she thinkz, surely they're not gonna flaunt baps in the news - The flesh filter could pick it up and I'd get done for pr0n!

And I clicked.

And got 8oo8e|).

But it must've worked - even though the accompanying pic is now thus:

(note: tiny tits in the the corner of the pic),

The top rating story is thus:

(yes I clicked on it from home. Just to double check).

Think I used enough BREAST words? Mebbe I need me some for pics for all those Google hitters...

EnnyPen's on a RAMPAGE

Luckily for most, it seems to have subsided.

Let it be said, Stress + Hormones does not a delightful EnnyPen cocktail make.

Instead, it is more likely to create a cranky whirlwind RAMPAGE, (tho nowhere near as colourful or entertaining as this one).

I have less than a month until my next Martial Arts grading - predecessed by the Camp from Hell.

For this grading I have to write 3 x 2000 word essays (I have started one as of weekend past) for which I have no knowledge of, nor no instructor to ask, leaving me lurking on forums from all around the world, filled with testosterone-fuelled egomaniacs boasting about their 'awex0me sk!llz' but not much that is helpful.

{Deleted by the Author - sorry dudes!}

*sigh*

So take that, add my scheduled 7 days of love, joy and bliss that occurs once every 28, argue with me about money, health insurance, housework, uni, love, my cooking and laptops and see what you get.



Frikkin rampage I tell you!

Post Rampage Note: Apparently all it takes to get out of the deep-blue funk is to do a spinning class, finance yourself a laptop at 25% interest and watch Ali-G with a breezer. This will go straight to your head, leaving you pumicing, moisturizing and massaging the feet of the one who has copped your abuse for a week.

MAGIC!

~EnnyPen leaves for Training to learn her syllabus~

Delightful Granny-on-Granny Action

Kudos to SMH SMH for the jaunty tone in the following story (bolded by moi):

G-force: grans survive

A 78-year-old granny landed on top of another granny after falling from a fourth-floor Shanghai apartment.



The younger of the two grandmothers, named as Granny Zheng, accidentally toppled out of the window of her apartment and bounced off an awning on her way to the ground, the Hong Kong edition of the China Daily reported.



She landed on top of 85-year-old Granny Sun who was having a stroll on the footpath below.

Both Granny Zheng and Granny Sun survived the incident with only light injuries, the newspaper said.

*delightful, i'n' it?!*